Friday, February 26, 2010

Corky Rescued

Corky Velveeta was rescued today by the Calvinistic Cartoons Whirlybird Rescue Team in Fluffenutter, Florida. The car seen speeding below is owned by Fabio Finney, the underboss in the local Arminian Mafia. Shots were fired as they flew off to Corky's next destination. Don't worry folks, the copter escaped with only a scratch.

Word Association #11

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

A Message from Honest Abe

Corky Visits the Titanic

We here at the McKinney Headquarters thought that Corky's idea to visit the real Titanic and carve the words, Calvinistic Cartoons was here, on the side of the ship was an excellent idea. That way we might be covered in National Geographic or some TV special in the future. Corky has always had a longing to see the actual passenger liner in it's watery grave. We appaud Mr. Velveeta's courage and general lack of common sense.
Another thing Corky suggested, and was done, was to leave a waterproof metal box with $1,000 at the bottom of the ocean for anyone who wants it. It's our way of saying, "Thanks for making Calvinistic Cartoons a place where Christians can laugh and enjoy a few fun-filled moments with their friends!"

Word Association #10

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Advertise Your Blog Here!

Advertise your site here by taking a snapshot of your blog's home page!
For some reason, I have not been able to post new blogs I enjoy and follow on my blog list. I am able to delete but not add. (Things here in Kuwait are different - there are more restrictions - don't really know if that has anything to do with it but nonetheless, I thought up this idea for all who want to participate)

Here's how to photograph your home page (if you don't know already)

Step 1 
Set up your computer to display the screen that you want to capture. For example, if you want to take a picture of your Web site, open your home page in the browser that you normally use.

Step 2
Press the Print Screen button on your keyboard. This captures a "snapshot" on the Clipboard.

Step 3
Open a graphics program, such as MS Paint.

Step 4
Open a new file.

Step 5
Paste the contents of the Clipboard into your document (Ctrl+V).

Step 6
Your file now contains an image of the screen that you captured. Name your file and save it in the graphics format of your choice. (make it a "jpeg")

IMPORTANT - I have only two requests. I am limiting this to those bloggers who list Calvinistic Cartoons on their blog list (that's only fair and can be done today) and that you make this announcement by post, link or comment on your blog.

I will post your home page on Calvinistic Cartoons Saturday, March 20th.
Only Christian blogs - Calvinistic OR Arminian (if you're friendly)

DEADLINE - I need your screenshots no later than March 13th. (For those of you who maintain more than one blog - please decide on only one to be advertised here)

Step 7
Send a jpeg file of your screenshot to
You may want to include a short blurb (keep it under five or six sentences please) on your blog's content and purpose.

With your permission, I may use your screenshot in the background of one of my photoshopped posts someday. I enjoy planting "Easter eggs" on my blog entries.
Hopefully, the exposure will help all of us.
Thanks, everyone.

Word Usage

Monday, February 22, 2010

Corky Velveeta on Record

On his way to his next destination, Corky was able to stop at Nashville and record a few songs with The Potter's Freedom Four. His assignment, of course, is to help promote Calvinistic Cartoons wherever he goes. In keeping with his mission, Corky wrote two songs for the album above. The first, "C.C. Amigos" is about friends of Calvinistic Cartoons who plug this blog on their site. The second number, "Adios Muchacos" was written about followers who mysteriously disappear. It is a tear jerker let me tell you. You will be able to purchase this fine album at the Guy Caballero's Christian Knick Knack and Music Emporium in downtown Nashville, Ontario.
Guy Caballero, seen in the photo below, tried to become Corky's agent after the album sold over 14 copies in a single day!

Not Fit for Human Consumption

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Dirty Job

 This is a four page story that appeared in the February 1972 issue of Army at War. It was written by the late, great Bob Haney. His masterpiece in comics writing was illustrated by the equally late, great Alex Toth, and subsequently reprinted numerous times, notably in The Best of DC treasury edition.

Just for Laughs #81

The Foot Bone is Connected to...

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Peer Amid the Pyramids with Corky

Corky told us his favorite TV game show was the $100,000 Pyramid. So we sent him to Egypt. Here he is seen asking for directions to the pyramids not realizing they are directly behind him. Corky told us that he did a research paper on both Pyramid schemes and Maslow's pyramid of needs. This was a difficult day for Corky because he was caught in a sand storm and blown like a tumbleweed for over thirty seven miles. It's a good thing he has plenty of water stored away inside his costume! It's a lonely job sometimes.

Write Your Own Story #1

Experimental post. If you like we keep.
If you no like we don't keep.
I will kick things off with a little story I call,

Kinko Marcel, the vice-president of my deacon board, came in with a sermon he had prepared for me to preach this Sunday. 
"Put it on the table and get out. Can't you see I am in prayer?" I pointed to the envelope on my antique oak desk, "Your payment is all there. Next time, I want a sermon that will increase the giving. I want a sermon that will convict that penny-pinching congregation of mine to double-tithe! Now leave before I give Herman Mince your position."
I never like Kinko. His name alone left a bitter taste in my mouth. He was getting too ambitious for my liking. He would have to be fired and soon. I just needed to find someone else who would write my sermons.
I alone should have the preeminence at the Church on the Pathway. After all, I started it myself back in 1984. The day my big brother died in a skiing accident.

Friday, February 19, 2010

Double Cross

Calvinist Valentine's Day Card

An honest-to-goodness, real-life, bona-fide fan sent me a photo of a Valentine's Day card her daughter received a few days ago. Her kids go to a Christian school in the Calvinist (Christian Reformed) tradition, so this was no "accident"! She thought everyone would get a laugh out of this. I agree.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Corky Off the Coast of Costa Rica

Corky Velveeta is seen here frolicking with a giant humpback whale named Annie. Corky tried to teach her a new whale song he wrote himself. It seems she would rather play tag with Corky (who actually floats like a cork in that outfit). It's good to make new friends and enjoy the sun and surf, splashing and singing, sinking and screaming. He will be released from the hospital later today. He told me over the phone his ribs should be pain free by Friday.

Graduated Healing

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Be Ready

Corky Visits the Past

Corky Velveeta had been missing for almost two weeks and were starting to think the worse. Wouldn't you know, he traveled into the past to meet Abraham Lincoln. He always admired his style and purchased a time machine on e-bay. He told us that the man on Lincoln's right came up to him a few minutes after this photo was taken, and said, "Cotton Adams was a Calvinist" thus securing a hefty one thousand dollar check from a bank that doesn't exist yet. Corky said that he was surprised that Abe was reading a book entitled, "Our American Cousin" then threw it into the fire. "I have no time for this tripe right now, I'll just wait for the play to come out!"
Corky said he was only able to remain in the past for twenty minutes because of the cheap quality of the time machine he bought. Twenty minutes translated into twelve days in our time!
Glad you are safe. Now on with your travels!  

Just for Laughs #80

Monday, February 15, 2010

New Look New Offer

With the new look at Calvinistic Cartoons (hope it agrees with all of your aesthetic sensibilities) I am making a brand new offer! One that will be easy for everyone!
The person who makes the millionth comment on this blog will receive a nice, crisp ten dollar bill! That's right! Ten bucks for just making a few comments! Get busy dear readers, there's a ten spot a'waitin'.

Moving In

Corky Found!

Friday, February 12, 2010

A Message from Founder and President Mr. Eddie Eddings

First, I want to let you readers know that we haven't let up on the search for Corky Velveeta. We have called in several organizations to help locate his whereabouts. So far, only one clue has surfaced - a set of footprints that suddenly stop. No sign of a struggle. No sign of any other tracks either, horse, car or human. The horse he rented arrived safely back at the Cotton Adams Horse Rental and Used Book Store in Cipher, South Dakota of its own accord. We have the military and the police, along with Jews for Jesus and the entire staff at Banner of Truth looking for him. I have distributed hundreds of flyers and posters in Kuwait City and Dubai. One can be seen in the background of the photo here. 
Here is my offer, and this is real. I am not joking when I say that $10,000 will be rewarded to the person who actually locates (and delivers) the real Corky Velveeta, dressed in his Romans 9 grenade costume. 
Important please read: This is not a dead or alive bounty. He has to be returned to the McKinney, Texas Calvinistic Cartoons office to collect the ten grand. 
Have a nice day and happy hunting! 

Talking Watch for Emergents

Monday, February 8, 2010

Fan Letter from Pedro

Dear Eddie,
I go to a small evangelical church but lately we have had a lot of trouble with many Don Juan's in our congregation. What can I do? If you answer I will build you a cake.

Dear Pedro,
Do you mean a lot of men are flirting with the women at your church?

Dear Eddie,
No, Mr. Eddie, I mean that many Don Juan to do anything! They Don Juan to give money, they Don Juan to help with the nursery, they Don Juan to help out on work day at the church, they just Juan to be ministered to. They have the "Don Juan's".
Your fan,

Dear Pedro,
First, talk to your pastor about your concern.
Second, be an example to the others and thank God for the opportunity to serve.
Let me know how things are going.
Your friend,

The Romans Road

Sunday, February 7, 2010

Fan Letter from Kip D

Dear Eddie,
Like, dude, you mentioned in a previous post that Satchmo Crockett (aka Ping Wu) was a DOUBLE agent. Then you went on to explain that he was an anti-Calvinist. Well, Bozo, if he were a double agent that would make him a Calvinist! Do you only have HALF a brain?
Peace out,
Kip D

Dear Mr. Crankypants,
I meant to say that he was working a double shift...and yes, I am right-brained, although my doctor says I show left-brained tendencies at times. Thanks for writing. Your kind of letters keep me on my toes - which can be very painful when you're jogging on concrete. Don't stop writing! It proves you are a man of letters.
Peace in,

Just for Laughs #79

Any Questions?

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