Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Trivia Time part 4

Einstein taught that space and time are the same thing. He discovered this when he kept showing up three miles late for meetings.

At the height of "Star Wars" mania, John Piper would shop for groceries in a Chewbacca costume.

One-third of explorers who've visited both the North and South Poles developed bipolar disorder.

Goldfish are neither gold nor fish.

Alan Shepard was the only astronaut to leave his wallet on the moon.

Due to a calendar mix-up, there were two years in a row identified as "1963".

Until 1970, the IRS taxed Monopoly winnings.

On April 19th, 2012, the sun will pass between the moon and the earth.

On April 21st, 2012, Phil Johnson will pass between the moon and the earth.

Signs Don't Lie

Create a Calvinistic Cartoon Caption #1

The winner is Doug P. Baker!
Thanks everyone for the wonderfully funny captions!
It was great fun and I will post another soon.
Doug...for your have won the Triangulum Galaxy! That's right!
An entire galaxy just for a caption that made me laugh out loud
in the Sacred Sandwich Coffee Shop and Feed Store.

(Don't worry, I photoshopped this)
You have 7 days (not the "perfect number" but, the "number of perfection" in the Bible) to think up a caption. Then, I shall edit the photo to include the humor and give full credit to the winner. Please don't force me to have to write a caption myself. I've got writer's block.

NOTICE: Because of Thanksgiving vacation I am adding 5 days (the number of "grace" in the Bible) to the previously mentioned 7 days which equals 12 days (the number of "Divine government"). Then I am subtracting 6 days (the number of "man") and tacking on an additional 4 days (the number of "creation") which sums up to 10 days (the number of "law").
That means that on Friday, December 5th, you will need to check back for the results.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


A vandal is one who willfully or ignorantly destroys, damages,
or defaces property belonging to another or to the public.

The John 3:16 Conference was "evandalism" in that it defaces God's sovereignty and exalts man pride.
Makes you wonder if they would dare sell Spurgeon books to those who attend. I have known full-blown Arminians who edit Spurgeon and believe that he was not a Calvinist! It didn't matter if he made a thousand statements to that effect or not!
I was disappointed to hear that Paige Patterson was a part of it. He was instrumental in getting me a full scholarship to the Criswell College. He and his wife, Dorothy, have been a great blessing to my family. In my book, More Awesome Truth, published by Barbour, I have two introductions. One written by John MacArthur and the other by Paige Patterson!
When I first became a Christian I fought Calvinism tooth and nail. I read all I could against it. The church I was attending was an independent Baptist that was a part of the "Sword of the Lord" crowd. But, it was there I was befriended by Dr. J. William F. Miles, who had taught Greek at Tennessee Temple and was a Calvinist (although at the time I had no idea - and would not have joined his classes if I had known). He started a School of Theology in his home and asked me to be a part of it.
After a few weeks of attending, and realizing that he believed in that dreaded doctine of election, I left a copy of "Predestined for Hell, NO!" by John R. Rice on his desk.
We had many a long night, after that, discussing the Doctrines of Grace. It wasn't until I was studying the High Priestly prayer of the Lord Jesus Christ in John 17 that God turned the light on about election. I still struggled with limited atonement for months.
Finally, I simply had to bow my proud heart (again) and God revealed His grace, mercy and love in a way that changed my entire life. The sovereignty of God has been the anchor, the sail, and the ship itself, that has kept me afloat and traveling through the sometimes stormy seas of the Christian life!

Terry Vines

New Blog

I have started a new blog entitled, Facets of Grace. This is a place where I can encourage and bless believers in a non-humorous fashion (...most of my clothes I wear out in public would be considered non-humorous fashion). I need another site to frame some poetry, publish a few songs, display some artwork, plant thought provoking quotes from great Christians of the past and present, and write my own thoughts about the glory of God's grace. I am so new at this, I don't even know how to link the name of the blog as a whatchamacallit to the actual site! Take a look when you have a second and let me know what you think...and any blog tool tips would be greatly appreciated!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Updated Hymns

The only problem I had "driving to the garden alone" was with Earl Clack, the gardener. He doesn't like tire marks on his bed of ruby red begonias.

Cowboy Campfire

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Gospel Tracts

I have written and illustrated Gospel tracts for years. If you have children that on Halloween night have brought back a cartoon tract or two, more than likely it was either mine or Ron Wheeler's. Most are out of print at The American Tract Society. Good News/Crossway still prints some of mine...but, as of late, their cartoon tract sales are down. Do me a favor and send up a prayer for my free-lance business (now is better than later). You can view the full text and cartoon pages of my tracts for Crossway here:
Click here to view a few'll have to search by author.

Bi-Vocational Pastor

Friday, November 21, 2008

The Ecoli Bible

Be sure to click on the picture for easier reading!

Keepin' it Theological

Okay, peeps, this could be fun! Let's have a go at finishing this short poem (and remember to keep it Theological...I'm talking to all eleven of you out there who read this blog) :

Tulips are Red
Violets are Blue...

Here is my contribution to get things started:

Tulips are Red
Violets are Blue
Your will is as free
As a gnu in a zoo. it's your turn...

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Sung to the tune of "Iko Iko"

My grand-pa and your grand-pa were read-in' C. H. Spurgeon.
My grand-pa told your grand-pa: "His sermons are real encourgin'."
Talk-in’ ’bout, hey now ! hey now ! i-ko, i-ko, un-day
Jock-a-mo fee-no ai na-nay. - jock-a-mo fee na-nay.-

Look at that verse in Romans 9
I-ko, i-ko, un-day.
I bet-cha it'll make an Arminian whine.
Jock-a-mo fee na-nay
Talk-in’ ’bout, hey now ! hey now ! i-ko, i-ko, un-day
Jock-a-mo fee-no ai na-nay. - jock-a-mo fee na-nay.-

Here's a truth you shouldn't deride
I-ko, i-ko, un-day.
Jesus died to ransom His Bride.
Jock-a mo fee na-nay.-
Talk-in’ ’bout, hey now ! hey now ! i-ko, i-ko, un-day
Jock-a-mo fee-no ai na-nay. - jock-a-mo fee na-nay.-

(keep rhythm going as it fades out slowly)

What's Your Point?

Be sure to click on the picture above for the larger version
This came from the creative mind of Ralph M. Petersen. Check out his blog site:


No...this is not one of Billy Graham's is a word or statement made by scrambling up the original letters. (Example: Charles Haddon Spurgeon = Ron had her old space guns...or better: Clint Eastwood = Old west action).

Here are four more for your mental files:

Arminian = "I Rain Man" (you gotta admit, Dustin Hoffman did a great job in the role)

Arminianism = "I'm Raisin Man" (someone admitting they're a dried prune)

Open Theist = "Theist, NOPE!" or "Pettish one" (ill-tempered; peevish; petulant) or "Spit on Thee" (their theology is an insult and is degrading to God's sovereign perfection!)

Open Theism = "met phonies" (I have met two and they love to consume large quantities of phoney baloney) or "pest in home!" (if they have 5 points it would spell R.O.A.C.H. ...can anyone out there help fill in this acronym with their twisted beliefs?)... I thank thee.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

True or False?

  1. The Ten Commandments were written on two stone tablets using the front and back of each.
  2. John Calvin was called "JC" by his close friends.
  3. The Canary Islands were named for a breed of large dogs.
  4. Cornelius Van Til invented the plug-in night light.
  5. Jimmy Carter is the first president to have been born in a hospital.
  6. D. James Kennedy used to sell goldfish door to door.
  7. Thomas Jefferson invented the swivel chair.
  8. C.H. Spurgeon crossed the Atlantic once to preach at the D.L. Moody college.
  9. "Whosoever will may come", is not a verse found in the Bible.
  10. The words, "You're pushing the envelope", appear in the ESV edition of the book of Jonah.

Answers: odd are true. even are all false. (for question 1 see Exodus 32:15)

Who is this Finney fellow?

Dear Eddie,
Who is this Finney dude? I noticed his name on the floss in the cartoon below.
Your dentist,

Dear Gummo,
If arrogance was a brick, Charles Finney would be the Great Wall of China. To get the skinny on Finney check this out :

Finney Finney Bo Binney Bo Nana Fana Fo Inney

...and for your question I will be sending you your favorite hymn, "Crown Him with Many Crowns" recorded by the McKinney Texas Dental Hygiene Choir.

Some Are From the Dollar Store

Monday, November 17, 2008

John 3:16

Did God give His Son that "whosoever" might not perish or that "whosoever believes in Him" might not perish?

Half Empty or Half Full?

As you may or may not know, philosophy is a new hobby of mine. One night as I was trying to sleep, I found myself contemplating the age old question, "Is the glass half empty or half full?" I started applying some basic rules of Biblical interpretation to the conundrum and asked myself these questions: Just whose glass does this belong to? Were they filling it up and stopped half way or was it full and they drank half of it's contents? What are the contents? Is that lipstick stains on the outside of the glass? Is that a Rocky and Bullwinkle image I see on the opposite side? I finally came to the conclusion that it was none of my business.

Time to Move

No Ground to Stand on

Sunday, November 16, 2008

Troublesome Combination

As a wee lad

Found this old picture of me as a mere child back in Houston, Texas. My mother had bought the Spurgeon shirt from a door to door Spurgeon T-Shirt and Beach Towel salesman. They used to work morning and evening.

Trivia Time part 3

Other than man, the elk is the only animal that celebrates birthdays.

The most frequently used word by evangelicals in the English language is "biscuit."

Gary Busey, the actor who has won more Academy Awards than any other, will play John Owen in an off-Broadway play next summer entitled, "Well, I'll be Mortified!"
Dave Hunt's great grandpappy drew up plans for the first novelty set of chattering teeth.

Every Tuesday has been sloppy joe night at the White House for the last 200 years.

Francis Schaeffer is the only theologian to have walked on the moon.

Thomas Watson is thought to be the first to use the phrase "a bad case of the Mondays".

Rhode Island is the only state without an active volcano.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Trivia Time part 2

B.B. Warfield died from injuries received from riding a mechanical bull.

On April 14th 1968, Loraine Boettner, at 101 years old, pulled a barge with his teeth as he swam the Mississippi River.

By law, all globes in Australia are displayed upside down.

Most of the delegates at the United Nations, in the summer of 1960, were killed by lawn darts.

Several old photos of Charles Finney wearing "bling" were found in a secret panel at the Moody Bible Institute yesterday. One photo shows Minnie Finney and Charles playing an old version of "Battleship".

Augustine's face was badly scarred from dodgeball.

The very first game on record in U.S. history was Hungry Hungry Hippo played in the streets of Jamestown, Virginia, in 1611.


London is "baskin" in its modernism and "robbin" its people of a rich heritage. Most Londoners don't even know who Spurgeon was...and FYI, anyone visiting London can go to the General Resister Office and ask to see the original copies of C.H. Spurgeon's entry of marriage and the certified copy of his entry of death papers. (no joke)

Trivia Time

Tuesday didn't exist on calendars until 1923.

If you notify the flight attendant that it's your birthday, most airlines will let you exit the plane on the inflatable slide.

Christopher Columbus actually had four ships: Nina, Pinta, Santa Maria and "The R.C. Sproul".

Actor Keanu Reeves actually served as the governor of Idaho for a month while filming "The Matrix". He will be starring in, "The Forgotten Spurgeon", where he will be playing both Charles and his son, Thomas.

Hamsters are referred to as "Beefsters" by Muslims around the world.

Before Christ was born, the Christmas Islands were known as "Hanukkah Islands".

Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, and Teddy Roosevelt are the four US presidents whose faces are carved on Mt. Rushmore…but plans are, by 2019, to include A.W. Pink.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

High Five Low Five

I created this scroll to use as a wallpaper. It really looks good in the dining area and guest room. You may have seen the Five Points of Arminianism (a Theology with Weeds) on the internet. I don't know who the author is but it is genius, I tells ya....genius.

Will of man is free

Election is conditional

Everyone is redeemed

Denial confounds Grace

Some will lose salvation

Are you a TULIP basking in God's Sovereign Grace or

are you among WEEDS boasting of self-righteousness?

I tried my hand at coming up with another acronym for the Doctrines of Grace...and, that ain't too are my two...can you think up any more?

Gospel FACTS (Gospel= Good News not Good Advice)

Fallen humanity

Adoption decided

Christ's Bride

Transition certain

Saints secure

and... LAMBS

Lacks ability

Almighty elected

Mission accomplished

Birthed spiritually

Salvation secure

The Shack

Dear Eddie,
After reading the Shack, I thought I would search the woods for a real shack that looked like the one on the cover. It took me three days to find it. When I walked in, I felt the urge to "dance in the spirit". Two seconds later, the roof fell on me. When I emerged from my coma, I felt warm inside. Then I realized I was covered with an electric blanket. What do you make of this? Should I write a book to my children about what happened?
Your spiritual nephew,
Willie "Dryrot" Elderman

Dear Willie,
It would be better for you just to read the Bible! And don't worry about writing a book for your children...I have already done that. It's a pop-up book entitled, "Michael Horton Hears a Who".
Just rest up and try not to ever dance again.

Letter Department

What exactly is vegetarianism? Is it a cult like Cow-vinism, where cows are worshipped?
Thank you,
Poopdeck Pappy

Dear Poopdeck,
Vegetarianism is a harmless practice, though it is apt to fill a person with wind and self-righteousness...usually the person who practices vegetarianism is peace loving and will never pick a bone with anyone! Strict vegetarians should not eat animal crackers or tiny one-celled animals like the amoeba.
Thanks for the question,

Rare Find

This is a very rare recording of Jacob "Bagpipes" Arminius. Found it while I was visiting a friend in the Republic of Armenia last Tuesday.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Persecution for Planting Truth

Use your "two lips" to speak the Truth! Nobody said you would be popular!

Bumper Sticker

This was found in the clearance section of the Blessed Sellers Christian Book and Flashy Trinket Store in Cotton Adams, Virginia.

How it all began

One day, as I was googling with my Amish-built computer, I discovered one of my cartoons I did many an eclipse ago. I decided to either drive off a bridge or update and publish. I chose the latter after weeks of therapy. Using my special Photoshop powers I acquired during a meteor shower in Smallville years ago, I began updating many other cartoons I had in my un-updated brain. I contacted friendly Phil Johnson, who laughed and pointed me in the right direction. (Grace to you, Phil). If you ever find the old versions of my cartoons on the internet...just step away from your computer, get into your car, and drive to a local pharmacy and order a bottle of Milk of Amnesia.
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