Friday, June 17, 2011

Random Word Writing Challenge #13

Write as many paragraphs as you like using the words above.
Entries may be poetry, prose, fiction, essays or interviews.
(or any other form of creatively written expression.)
Just be funny, clever and theological...
and please give your piece a TITLE.


  1. Wesley N. Stops in Again

    I was watering my window plants like I did every afternoon. Only this time, I'd be getting another visit from Wesley N.

    "Can I help you?" a disturbingly familiar voice inquired, coming from a head that popped up at my window, right behind the plants.

    "Not you again..." I groaned. "You're an actor or something, aren't you?"

    "An actor?" he repeated in horror. "Say that one more time, boy, and you'll be sprouting halos!"

    "What kind of a threat is that?"

    "Do I look like a threat?"

    "Not really. You look like a leech at the moment, actually."

    "It's a worm costume, sonny; not a leech! There is a difference."

    "I hope you slept well last night," the demented visitor chuckled, his arms now crossed on top of the flower box.

    "I did, actually. Did you enjoy the Billy Graham sermon?"

    He snorted. "It was terrible. He didn't even quote John 3:16 a dozen times! Sickening. They threw me out when I started screaming it."

    I cleared my throat, trying to hide my surprise. "Well, uhh, Mister Wesley N., I really need to get back to watering my flowers."

    "You got any milk, man? Because I could really go for a milk - man!"

    Rolling my tongue around a bit in my mouth, a disturbed look on my face, I nodded. "There's some chocolate Nesquik in the..."

    "Thank you kindly!" he told me as he hopped over the flower box, stepping into my sink, then hopping onto the floor. I watched in shock as he swung open the refrigerator, grabbed a 16oz bottle of chocolate milk, tore off the protective plastic, opened it, and guzzled it down in record time.

    "Ahh!" he sighed in delight. "Minty fresh!"

    "Minty fresh? It's chocolate!"

    "I just ate a breath mint, boy. It was minty, so everything's minty."

    "Was it...satisfactory?"

    The madman threw the empty bottle on the floor, rushed over to me, and looked me straight in the eye, his face less than an inch from mine.

    "This won't turn me into a Calvinist axe murderer like Calvin, will it?" he demanded.

    I shook my head slightly. "Not...likely. I don't think that's on the label. Maybe they left it off, though."

    He sighed. "Oh, alright. Thanks for the milk, man!"

    With that, he took off, jumping out the window, leaving me behind in utter and complete shock. Then I heard his voice again.


    Then, he was gone. Another meeting with the delightful Wesley N.

    (Inspired by Julian Smith)

  2. ^ There are some errors above. Forgive me.

    I hope it doesn't cause too much trauma.

  3. "This won't turn me into a Calvinist axe murderer like Calvin, will it?" he demanded. it.

  4. Christian Cruise Lines

    An actor once slept on a cruise ship
    A Christian theme sailed this week
    On stage the singers wore halos
    Off stage 'twas the pubs they'd seek.

    On Thursday the singers would use him
    As an extra in some of their skits.
    Christ died for this actor's salvation,
    So why did he revel like this?

    Fine dining and wining, swimming and sun tans
    Our actor awoke with a fright.
    A pain on his leg and a scratch with his hand,
    Saw a leech had latched on in the night.

    Then he realized, "I need to resign once ashore.
    I won't be asleep in the light anymore.
    I'll suffer for Jesus and spread the good news.
    Perhaps get a real job. I've got nothing to lose."

  5. @Joel: Nice work. If only there were more Mr. Timn videos to parody.


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