Monday, June 6, 2011

A New Hymn from an Emergent Hymnal

Pictured above is the new hymnal from Rob Bell's second cousin on his mother's side, Vern Mayfly, who edited the volume and wrote sixteen of the songs featured in the book. There is a hidden message in each of the "hymns" and this one is no exception:

Jesus help me grab the rope
Only you can toss me hope
Heaven is for all they say
Never to leave and go away
Christ helped me up when I was down
All souls are lost, all souls are found
Love wins big time in eternity now
Very soon everybody will choose to bow
I know my heart will love again
Never to sin against tree or men
Hell is really no place to fear
All who die will not go there
Devils and demons might stay awhile
Nobody else will walk that mile
Once people die they'll see the light
Closed eyes will open to the sight of
Love in sandals, robe and crown
Until that day we'll walk around
Ever witnessing to His love come down (hey nani nani and a hot cha cha)

So, as you can see, their theology is twisted, sister. Be warned.


  1. "John Calvin Had No Clue" ?

    Well of course not. Milton-Bradley wasn't in business yet.

  2. I think I like the ending best. You know, the part where it stops?

  3. Good catch, Persis! I have to say, this hymn is a work of art.

    It has to be a work of abstract art, because it's definitely not a work of concrete Truth (I know, that's a very harsh and judgmental thing to say).

  4. And what tune do people sing this to? :D

  5. @Michael: The ending is the part where it stops? Really? And someone knows this for sure, and...and felt the need to let the rest of us know?

  6. (I know, that's a very harsh and judgmental thing to say).

    Careful what you say there, Theo. I hear that the Emergents are considering re-instituting a sort of hell for people who are judgmental, speak harshly, and act like they are sure about what they say.

    It isn't like the "traditional" hell. It is more like the Disney World attraction that hardly anybody wants to go on.

  7. Brothers, beware. Rob Bell is among us! :D

  8. @Craig:

    Disney already it - It's a Small World.

    I can't imagine listening to that song 24x7. Yikes!

  9. "...Never to sin against tree or men..."

    Oh, how I have felt the pain of sinning against our tree friends.

  10. @ Persis

    It has been many years since I was on that ride, but every now and then I get a "flashback" and hear the song in my head for several days.

    The "Yo ho" song from Pirates of the Caribbean, on the other hand, is GREAT.

  11. @Stranger

    That sounds just awful. It's a good thing Emergent types don't frequent this blog.

    Ever since Rob Bell was shown the door (or should I say the window?) . . .

  12. Hey guys. I found the tune to Jesus Help Me Grab the Rope

    It is the same tune that William Tapley (Third Eagle of the Apocalypse) used for 'It's Prophesied.'

  13. @Stranger

    I've sadly viewed this before and now the nightmares will return, I fear. Thanks for that!

    I wanted to suggest that a metered hymn tune of would work for this song. This would make "Rock of Ages" or "Jesus, Master, Whose I Am" work. However, I'm not sure there's a single Emergent who would know:

    1. What a hymn is
    2. What a hymnal is

  14. Ugh! A hymn is like, the guy who gets up, you know, and we say, 'look, it's associate youth music assistant director minister John, that's hymn!' It's not like, we're you stupid or anything. We're just so radically cool man I think we're like ice cubes, dawg.

  15. Ink Slinger asked: "And what tune do people sing this to?"

    I think perhaps "Sweet Home Alabama"... er, "...Hallelujah"


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