Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Have You Seen This Man?



    Mother: Is nothing sacred? Poor old Angus, snatched making sandwiches!

    Dad: I told Angus to be careful; the neighborhood’s been running rampant with Free-willers of late.

    Son: I didn’t know killer whales swam anywhere around here?!?!

    Dad: Not Free-Willy, Jr., Free-willers; you know, Arminians and Pelagians; and son, don’t eat with your hands, use your sword and trowel.

    Mom: Well, shouldn’t we look for him?

    Dad: That’s just what they’d expect us to do. You know that the Hybels’ across the street, and the Warren’s down the block, have been looking for any reason to flaunt seeker-sensitivity in our faces. No, my dear, I think, as good Biblical Calvinists, we need to fast and pray until we’re set apart by the Holy Spirit for the work of finding Angus.

    Son: But dad, he’s not lost; he’s missing.

    Dad: You’re right, son. Then you go close the pen to leave the ninety-and-nine sheep here; and mother, you come with me once I get my rod and staff. Let’s go.

  2. Possible Strange Sighting?

    A possible lead in the Duncan missing persons case! A source close to family has confirmed the existence of a ransom note that was emailed to the local newspaper that included an apparrent image of Angus bound and gagged in front of a "Leadership Network Subway!". An anonymous witness has hinted that Duncan may have been lured into his captivity by a misleading advertisement for "Sandwich Artist wanted for sacred convention of Green Global Windbag Warmers/Ice Agers."

  3. How weird to look up from eating my Calvinistic Flakes at breakfast and see myself staring at me from the side of my milk carton!

    I appreciate the creative theories on my whereabouts, but the reality is quite boring. Work has taken its toll on my Sandwich output, but I think that Eddie is putting out enough hilarious material for the both of us.

    Keep up the good work, Eddie. I may not be noticed, but rest assured I visit Calvinistic Cartoons almost every day for my dose of insane sanity.


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