This is your ringside announcer Harry Krugman, coming live from the local Baptist Sunday School class here in Kazoo, Texas where it’s standing room only. The crowd is anxious for a real “barn burner” this morning as 2 champions have been itching for a fight all quarter ever since the class material skipped over entire chapters of Ephesians and Romans. The classroom is excited this morning; it’s going to be a real nail-biter between our contestants Max “Calvinist” Bennett and Todd “Arminian” Walcott. There is some hope for a “draw” with most members. However, several timid members prefer a “Majority Decision.” The opponents approach each other at the class coffee pot, “Touching gloves” they greet each other with “Good morning brother.” Walcott somewhat of a “brawler” lacking finesse, moves slower, lacks mobility, and has a predictable punching pattern. He is famous for his “knockouts” of opponents with “sucker punches” from John 3:16. Bennett is famous for his “rope a dope” strategy of lying back allowing his opponent to throw punches until they tire and then exploiting their defensive flaws to nail them. Walcott starts with an OT “bolo punch” from Joshua 24:15, "Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve" more of a “showboating” than power. Bennett “counterpunches” with Jeremiah 13:23, "Can an Ethiopian change his skin or the leopard its spots?” Walcott now feints with Matthew 11:28, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Bennett jabs back with "A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor a bad tree bear good fruit" of Matthew 7:18. “Marquess of Queensberry” rules are in this morning folks as the Sunday School Teacher has stepped in and called for no “below the belt” hits. Walcott comes at Max with a “haymaker” John 7:17, "If anyone wills to do His will, he shall know concerning the doctrine, whether it is from God." Max returns a “combination” of John 6:44, "No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him" and John 6:65 "no one can come to Me unless it has been granted to him by My Father." The old “southpaw,” Walcott, throws a left “hook” of John 7:37, "If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink." Bennett who is “Orthodox” returns a “Rabbit Punch” to the head with John 8:43, "Why do you not understand My speech? Because you are not able to listen to My word." Walcott tries a series of “pitty-pat punches” from Acts 2:38, "Repent, and let everyone of you be baptized," 3:19, "Repent therefore and be converted," and 16:31, "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved." What a “Palooka,” a “tomato can,” a “ham and egger.” Bennett circles with a “Sunday punch” of John 12:39-40, "They could not believe, because Isaiah said again: "He has blinded their eyes and hardened their hearts, lest they should see with their eyes, lest they should understand with their hearts and turn, so that I should heal them." We have our first “Flash Knockdown” but wait Walcott is back on his feet after “Kissing the Canvas” and looks a little “punch-drunk.” He throws a “straight right,” “upper cut” of Revelation 22:17, "Whoever will, let him take the water of life freely." Bennett goes for the “clincher” with all of Romans 9! It isn’t pretty folks as Bennett hits “on the button” and Walcott is “down for the count.” But no! Walcott has been “saved by the bell” as the Superintendent has just walked into the classroom! Both Bennett and Walcott return to their “Managers” (their wives) as the teacher quickly returns to a “neutral corner.” Well It’s been exciting fight folks but it will have to “go to the scorecards” so judges will determine the winner. From my ringside folks, I would call a “Technical Knockout!” As always, we thank you for listening and now a word from our sponsors Calvinistic Cartoons, and Ringside by Gus: http://www.ringsidebygus.com/boxing-terms.html
Next bout: "Ravenous" Ravi Zacharias vs John "the Denier" Spong.
ReplyDeleteI've got tickets for that one!
ReplyDeleteThis is your ringside announcer Harry Krugman, coming live from the local Baptist Sunday School class here in Kazoo, Texas where it’s standing room only. The crowd is anxious for a real “barn burner” this morning as 2 champions have been itching for a fight all quarter ever since the class material skipped over entire chapters of Ephesians and Romans.
ReplyDeleteThe classroom is excited this morning; it’s going to be a real nail-biter between our contestants Max “Calvinist” Bennett and Todd “Arminian” Walcott. There is some hope for a “draw” with most members. However, several timid members prefer a “Majority Decision.” The opponents approach each other at the class coffee pot, “Touching gloves” they greet each other with “Good morning brother.” Walcott somewhat of a “brawler” lacking finesse, moves slower, lacks mobility, and has a predictable punching pattern. He is famous for his “knockouts” of opponents with “sucker punches” from John 3:16.
Bennett is famous for his “rope a dope” strategy of lying back allowing his opponent to throw punches until they tire and then exploiting their defensive flaws to nail them. Walcott starts with an OT “bolo punch” from Joshua 24:15, "Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve" more of a “showboating” than power. Bennett “counterpunches” with Jeremiah 13:23, "Can an Ethiopian change his skin or the leopard its spots?”
Walcott now feints with Matthew 11:28, "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest." Bennett jabs back with "A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor a bad tree bear good fruit" of Matthew 7:18. “Marquess of Queensberry” rules are in this morning folks as the Sunday School Teacher has stepped in and called for no “below the belt” hits.
Walcott comes at Max with a “haymaker” John 7:17, "If anyone wills to do His will, he shall know concerning the doctrine, whether it is from God." Max returns a “combination” of John 6:44, "No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him" and John 6:65 "no one can come to Me unless it has been granted to him by My Father."
The old “southpaw,” Walcott, throws a left “hook” of John 7:37, "If anyone thirsts, let him come to Me and drink." Bennett who is “Orthodox” returns a “Rabbit Punch” to the head with John 8:43, "Why do you not understand My speech? Because you are not able to listen to My word." Walcott tries a series of “pitty-pat punches” from Acts 2:38, "Repent, and let everyone of you be baptized," 3:19, "Repent therefore and be converted," and 16:31, "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and you will be saved." What a “Palooka,” a “tomato can,” a “ham and egger.”
Bennett circles with a “Sunday punch” of John 12:39-40, "They could not believe, because Isaiah said again: "He has blinded their eyes and hardened their hearts, lest they should see with their eyes, lest they should understand with their hearts and turn, so that I should heal them." We have our first “Flash Knockdown” but wait Walcott is back on his feet after “Kissing the Canvas” and looks a little “punch-drunk.” He throws a “straight right,” “upper cut” of Revelation 22:17, "Whoever will, let him take the water of life freely."
Bennett goes for the “clincher” with all of Romans 9! It isn’t pretty folks as Bennett hits “on the button” and Walcott is “down for the count.” But no! Walcott has been “saved by the bell” as the Superintendent has just walked into the classroom! Both Bennett and Walcott return to their “Managers” (their wives) as the teacher quickly returns to a “neutral corner.”
Well It’s been exciting fight folks but it will have to “go to the scorecards” so judges will determine the winner. From my ringside folks, I would call a “Technical Knockout!” As always, we thank you for listening and now a word from our sponsors Calvinistic Cartoons, and Ringside by Gus: http://www.ringsidebygus.com/boxing-terms.html
SamWise, that was some heavy weight broadcasting! Thanks for being at the ringside to announce the blow by blow event!
ReplyDelete