Thursday, January 8, 2009

22nd Century Time Capsule .001

Eddie speaking: This is what I have been sent from the 22nd century. It is a dialog that took/will take place between Spiffy Noofala (über-Arminianism and Pelagianism taken to the extreme) and Neo Sporin (Rock-solid Calvinism unchanged by time):

Spiffy: We have a nickname for you sub-human undergrounds, "C.Y.B.O.R.G.S.", an acro for Christian Yo-Yo's (because YOU believe in the ultimate UP and DOWN) Being Obnoxious - Relaying God's "Sovereignty". Your theology is SO not politically precise. No wonder your kind is banned from PDA. (Public Display of Adoration). You CYBORGS stink!

Neo: We have a nickname for you also"Unbelievers". You claim to "believe" in God. But it's not the God of the Bible - it's a god that looks like you!

Spiffy: Nothing wrong with that! I am in love with my perfection and sinlessness. Heaven just wouldn't be Heaven without me. Anyone who believes in God goes to Heaven! My Bible says even demons believe! And they tremble with the anticipation of a Heavenly condo. Besides, everyone who has any sense knows that Hell is just a metaphor for bad moments on earth.

Neo: The "Bible" you use is a self-editing one. I have seen copies of the E.D.I.T Bible (Easy Does It Translation). It's a JOKE! You are able to change any verse to suit your mood at any moment of the day. Can't you see that is no foundation at all! The only Bible that is of any worth is the Holy Bible! And they are few and far between now that stores refuse to sell them.

Spiffy: My God leaves the translating to each individual. We are gods inside. We are all embraced by the divine light. You are a bunch of fools to think the Scriptures are infallible, inerrant, and verbally inspired!

Neo: Do yourself a favor. Find a copy of the ESV.3 somewhere…there are some used bookstores that might have a copy…and just READ the Gospel of John! That's all I am asking at this time. I will get back with you later.

Spiffy: To quote the prophet Joel Olsteen, "I will be HAPPY when my heavenly PAPPY makes me rich with my own self-esteem." I will read it when I feel like I need to, outlaw.

Eddie: This is all I have so far. I was told by the time capsule's "voice" that more transmissions will follow.


  1. I can't let this go by without even one this counts as one.

  2. On a serious note, Spiffy 's arguments sound eerily like someone I know who has abandoned Biblical Christianity for "Your Best Life Now". It is very sobering that many think they are following "God" but it is a god in their own image. It would be more honest if it was owned for what it is - the worship of myself.

    But on the other hand, there go I but for the grace of God.


Related Posts with Thumbnails