Friday, January 30, 2009

The Journal of Cotton Adams #8

May 10, 1738

Preached my "Sermon on the Amount" in the town of Broken Plow to a congregation of eighty seven. I mentioned that the collection is a Church function in which many people take only a "passing" interest. Not one seemed to recognize the feeble attempt at humor. They continued to stare at me with emotionless, unblinking eyes. At the conclusion of my oration I exclaimed,

"Surely you should give at least one-tenth of all you earn to the Lord!"

A myriad of hearty "amens" echoed throughout the pine wood church building.

One of the more fervent members, Millman Babbage, cart-wheeled up to the pulpit, balanced himself on the hand-railing, and shouted,

"I say let's raise it to ONE-TWENTIETH!"

Someone in the back seconded the motion and it was made an official policy of the Broken Plow Christian Church before I had a chance to explain their error. Chaos broke loose.

No novel or play ever presented such vicissitudes and events as this frenzy which enacted itself for more than twenty five minutes. I had no control over the unexpected activity that followed. I decided it was time for me to depart from this madness. As I galloped off on my trusty steed, Calico, I looked back and saw Millman Babbage atop a human pyramid juggling live cats and singing at the top of his lungs. Then, to my horror, the volcano that was less than fifty feet from the town, erupted and filled the town with hot lava and a thick cloud of ash.

When things cool off a bit I intend to return.

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