Thursday, July 2, 2009

Elvis Christian Album Never Produced

Recently discovered in an empty pickle jar at Graceland's basement were a number of songs Elvis rewrote.
"He had intended to record another Christian album before he died", said Bebe Swanliver, a guide at the Graceland estate.
"We think this would have stopped his backsliding", Pastor Joe Bob Penman said as he wept and drank an entire two liter bottle of Mountain Dew Code Red.

Here is the list of songs he wanted on his Christian album entitled,
"No More Hellvis, Just Call Me Elvis":

You Ain't Nothin' But a Lost Dude

It's Now or Never, Heaven Can't Wait

Return You Sinner

Whole Lotta Shakin' Goin' On (written specifically for the Shakers)

All Shook Up (written specifically for the Quakers)

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas (for coal miners)

In The Bible (and his momma cried)

That's When Your Dispensation Begins

Woncha Wear That Cross Around Your Neck

Amazing Grace (sung to the tune of Gilligan's Island theme song)


  1. What's with this Gilligan's Island thing?

  2. You aint nothin but a lost dude
    Frying all the time
    You aint nothin but a lost dude
    Frying all the time
    Well you never trusted Christ it seems
    And you aint no saint divine

    Whey they said you was the king
    Well, that was just a crock
    When they said you was the king
    Wellm that was just a crock
    You aint never been saved by trace
    And you aint no saint divine

  3. what is with my spelling? I meant well, in the fourth line and I meant grace not trace in the 5th line.

  4. I suppose, one day soon, they'll be playing these songs as NewSpring, or Granger, or any number of other hip/cool/relevant "churches."

  5. As I understand it, this album contained the Arminian classic Return to Sinner.


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