Thursday, September 29, 2011

Another Letter from Buster Limburger

Brother Eddie,
Jake Herman's comment touched my heart...yea, my very soul. I need to repent (I said "need to") and would love for someone to present a list of "crazy" Arminians and "crazy" Calvinists so I can compare and see who would be the easiest to convince of my talent. I want to become part of the "Circus" of Churches and a list like that would give me access to many gulli...I mean sincere believers who have plenty of cash.
If anyone makes a comparative listing I just might send them a brand new twenty dollar bill...I said "might".
Your man in straw,


  1. Crazy whatevers: Charles Finney
    Crazy Calvinist with low view of God: Mark Driscoll
    Crazy Arminians: The Church of the Nazarene. Hey, Buster, my alma mater, Trevecca Nazarene is always looking for a new mascot.
    You can also just come to Atlanta and find some mega church. It's like Atlanta is the new capital of any major mega church gimmick and we're full of professing Christians who have not clue what they are professing.

  2. I wouldn't offer Buster a list of either Calvinists or Arminian ministries who have gone off the rails, and here's why.

    First, we want to try to persuade Arminians that our doctrine of salvation squares with the Bible more than theirs. Second, we hope to see wayward Calvinists return to the doctrines that they once professed. Sending a Buster Limburger to either group would not help them or us.

    But, Buster appealed to us for a list of suggestions, and I'm not going to let him down.

    1. Learn how to do balloon animals and hire yourself out for childrens' events.

    2. Get together with other mascots and offer your services to the NBA. (Now, stay with me on this.) There's not much going on with pro basketball these days and franchises could stage shows featuring ALL-MASCOT teams without invovling any of those billionaire players (who do not need the money anyway).

    3. Be an EXTRA. Find out where filming for movies or t.v. is taking place, and show up at a "cattle call." I'm sure that they could use some mascot-looking people as extras in crowd scenes. It doesn't pay much, but could turn into a chance to be "discovered" and be a stepping-stone to stardom.

    4. But if you have your heart and soul set on the religion mean business, here is my suggestion:

    Show up at a Benny Hinn "cattle call" and get a job as a shill. Have several mascot costume changes available. All you need to do is to come out of the crowd, and onto the stage to be "healed."

    The leg-lengthening "healing" is pretty easy. Schizophrenia is a bit more difficult.

    (Hint: 1. and 4. are your best bets.) I hope I have been of some help.

  3. I don't trust anyone who smells like sweaty gym socks. Period.


Related Posts with Thumbnails