Fire At The Free Ville MuseumBreaking News: At the Free Ville Museum there has been a terrible fire that has absolutely destroyed the dinosaur likeness of Jacobus Arminius that portrayed him about to eat Martin Luther. There is a great outrage by the curator who, in a fit of rage, threw his shoe at the oncoming reporter declaring that the reporter was a Calvinist and was responsible for the fire. Police are still investigating, but they think that the fire was started by a lit bookmark from the museum gift shop. The bookmark sported the Five Remonstrances with a picture of famous Aminians from times past. This is Cal Luther reporting. Back to the station, Bob, how's the weather?
Bob: Thank you Cal. There are thunderstorms moving into the region right now. Fire and brimstone are forecast for this evening. Anchorman: This just in from the Museum of Unnatural History - several dinosaur bones have been stolen and replaced with our modern day bird skeletons. The culprit left his calling card at the scene - a bookmark of Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble sinking in a tar pit, screaming for their very lives.Police found a tennis shoe they think may belong to a man known as "Anonymous" who writes comments on Calvinistic Cartoons.
It ain't me I tells ya!
Though some might think Calvin a dinosaurhis teaching still sets hearts on firebookmark his site to read him some morekick back, pour a Merlot, adjust yourattireGo ahead get comfy and take off yourshoeDive into the Institutes and findsomething newGregg MetcalfColossians 1:28-29Gospel-driven Disciples
Update: This just in, the Lutheran Church has denied any connections to the destruction of the J. Arminius dinosaur exhibit, even though it seemed slanderous to their founder. Cal Thomas Reporting.
I meant Cal Luther, we need to get our teleprompters replaced.
The Case of the Insane Invaders"Put the bookmark down, Reformed slime!" a voice cackled from behind me as I reread a Leonard Ravenhill book."The bookmark?" I echoed. "Why?""JUST DO IT!" he screamed. Then I remembered my bookmark had Romans 8on one side, Romans 9 on the other. Cautiously, I sat it down."Excellent..." my enemy cackled as he rushed over, grasping a Beretta PX4 Storm. "Stay seated, Mister Holmes...""Certainly," I answered, smiling. "Tell me - you wouldn't fire that thing would you? Oh! I get it - it's a blank gun!""I don't have time for your games, dinosaur boy," he hissed, eyes wild."Dinosaur boy? What kind of an insult is that?""You're so 'conservative', that's what I mean, you disgusting little...CALVINIST! GAH!""I don't like the word Calvinist - I prefer Reformed.""SHUT UP!" he screamed, firing his gun. Thankfully, the bullet just ruined a shoe of mine, the pair of which was near my feet."A little jittery, are we?" I chuckled."UP! UP! GET UP, SLIME! USE YOUR FREE WILL TO GET UP!""Certainly..." I flew up and threw myself at him, knocking ther gun out of his hand, sending us both to the floor. The fight was on!
Good stuff, mates!
We're live at the Free Ville Museum. So far, no suspects, but police are not giving up the search. Oh, how nice...a piece of paper...Let's see...Hmm...Aha! The police are hot on the trial of a suspect! Back to you, Cal!