Yes Miss Jenkins was doing 85 in a 35 but she had just used some of Peter Popoff's anointed holy water and she knew that nothing evil were befall her so she pushed the gas a bit harder just for fun!
The Reverend Marjorie Pickles drives to her church with the trunk of her car filled with the special-edition pew bibles that she had ordered.
The bibles have the eleventh chapter of 1 Corinthians removed, all references to church officers being the "husband of one wife" removed, all phrases referring to God by the masculine pronoun "he" or "Him" removed and replaced with gender-neutral terms, and the words "bride" of Christ, and "wife" of the Lamb removed and replaced by "significant other."
What remains a mystery however, is why she also had the windshield of her car, and the lenses in her glasses removed.
Former Arminian and now cage-stage Calvinist, Roberta Norflinger is on her way to the reunion of the sorority, IGC (I Getta Chusa) bearing gifts of crocheted doilies and copies of John Owen's A DIsplay of Arminianism.
The proper Sunday School teacher, Miss Matthews, was surprised to discover she enjoyed "Highway to Hell". Perhaps she could illustrate it on Sunday with her flannelgraph.
Mary Neva Hadaclue drove smugly home after having informed that pastor from the First Community Southern Baptist Church how wrong he was in his sermon on Romans 9. Certainly the god she served would never hate anyone! Her pastor, the Ever Irreverent Reverend Bob Rell just last week taught her that love wins and there is no hell.
Yes Miss Jenkins was doing 85 in a 35 but she had just used some of Peter Popoff's anointed holy water and she knew that nothing evil were befall her so she pushed the gas a bit harder just for fun!
ReplyDeleteThe Reverend Marjorie Pickles drives to her church with the trunk of her car filled with the special-edition pew bibles that she had ordered.
ReplyDeleteThe bibles have the eleventh chapter of 1 Corinthians removed, all references to church officers being the "husband of one wife" removed, all phrases referring to God by the masculine pronoun "he" or "Him" removed and replaced with gender-neutral terms, and the words "bride" of Christ, and "wife" of the Lamb removed and replaced by "significant other."
What remains a mystery however, is why she also had the windshield of her car, and the lenses in her glasses removed.
Seconds before running a red light and broadsiding a Schwan truck Beth practices Richard Foster's mindless interpretation of Psalm 46:10.
ReplyDeleteFormer Arminian and now cage-stage Calvinist, Roberta Norflinger is on her way to the reunion of the sorority, IGC (I Getta Chusa) bearing gifts of crocheted doilies and copies of John Owen's A DIsplay of Arminianism.
ReplyDeleteThe proper Sunday School teacher, Miss Matthews, was surprised to discover she enjoyed "Highway to Hell". Perhaps she could illustrate it on Sunday with her flannelgraph.
ReplyDeleteWillamina Hackenbush didn't have a care in the world as she drove down Primrose Lane.
ReplyDeleteIt mattered not that she didn't have a license to drive.
She just finished the Purpose Driven 101 course and was a full-fledged, tithing-pledged Saddleback member...
She had purpose.
She was driven.
And by heavens and earth, she was driving!
Mary Neva Hadaclue drove smugly home after having informed that pastor from the First Community Southern Baptist Church how wrong he was in his sermon on Romans 9. Certainly the god she served would never hate anyone! Her pastor, the Ever Irreverent Reverend Bob Rell just last week taught her that love wins and there is no hell.
ReplyDelete