The only thing Jonas hated worse than the Jehovah's Witnesses knocking on his door at 8:30am on a Sunday morning was that glazed over look they got in their eyes when he showed the first sign that he knew what the Bible had to say on a matter.
Great Scott Higgins, this theology you've lately embraced, this Calvinism, has ....... you're just beside yourself sir. It's as if you're always thinking, pondering, contemplating. Snap out of it man!
Young Mr. Finney, Let me caution you. People will never settled for watered-down seermonettes. People want strong doctrinal preaching. That is all that people will ever want. This syle over substance idea of yours will never work...
You can't keep living your life like this, man! Naked you came from your mother's womb, and naked shall you shall return! Your silk tophat and fancy suit will not save you!
Donnie Ames, teacher for the new Childrens Church program, reports to Pastor Dillington
Donnie: I'm afraid the first day of Childrens Church didn't go very well, Pastor.
I thought they would love it when I turned a beaker of water red, to illustrate Jesus' making water into wine, but the kids just rolled their eyes. They booed when I pulled fishes and loaves out of my hat.
Then, one of the children asked me a question about Justificaton according to the Catechism, and I was stumped.
Pastor, maybe you can help me out. What is a catechism?!
Don't roll your eyes at me, Sir! I tell you there is no way there were only three wisemen, and there is no support for the idea that they were kings! I simply refuse to sing that horridly unbiblical so-called Christmas Carol. And if you were any kind of preacher you'd stand with me!
The only thing Jonas hated worse than the Jehovah's Witnesses knocking on his door at 8:30am on a Sunday morning was that glazed over look they got in their eyes when he showed the first sign that he knew what the Bible had to say on a matter.
ReplyDeleteSir, anyway you look at it, stealing is wrong! Your ministry will suffer if you don't return J. Vernon McGee's mustache immediately!
ReplyDeleteButler: Is something amiss, sir?
ReplyDeleteMan in top hat: Jeeves, I just saw a man dressed as a large hand grenade.
Butler: But sir, why are you so downcast?
Man in top hat: My good man, I missed the opportunity to say to him, "Cotton Adams was a Calvinist."
Great Scott Higgins, this theology you've lately embraced, this Calvinism, has ....... you're just beside yourself sir. It's as if you're always thinking, pondering, contemplating. Snap out of it man!
ReplyDelete"Felix, why so down in the mouth? Did something happen with Marla?"
ReplyDelete"I just discovered that she's Arminian. She won't marry me unless I deny all five points and says it's up to me. Oh, the irony!"
Young Mr. Finney, Let me caution you. People will never settled for watered-down seermonettes. People want strong doctrinal preaching. That is all that people will ever want. This syle over substance idea of yours will never work...
ReplyDeleteIf only...
You can't keep living your life like this, man! Naked you came from your mother's womb, and naked shall you shall return! Your silk tophat and fancy suit will not save you!
ReplyDeleteDonnie Ames, teacher for the new Childrens Church program, reports to Pastor Dillington
ReplyDeleteDonnie:
I'm afraid the first day of Childrens Church didn't go very well, Pastor.
I thought they would love it when I turned a beaker of water red, to illustrate Jesus' making water into wine, but the kids just rolled their eyes. They booed when I pulled fishes and loaves out of my hat.
Then, one of the children asked me a question about Justificaton according to the Catechism, and I was stumped.
Pastor, maybe you can help me out. What is a catechism?!
Don't roll your eyes at me, Sir! I tell you there is no way there were only three wisemen, and there is no support for the idea that they were kings! I simply refuse to sing that horridly unbiblical so-called Christmas Carol. And if you were any kind of preacher you'd stand with me!
ReplyDelete