Sunday, August 30, 2009

Eddie's Advice Column #3

Dear Eddie,
When I formed our Christian Rock group, "Dirt & Spittle", a year ago, I believed everyone in the band was a follower of Christ. Well, we are now having trouble with our drummer, Mucus Langley. Seems he has a drinking problem like his father. Each night we perform he will disappear after the first set. When we are about to conclude our gig, he always stands up and drunkenly yells, "Hallelujah" and collapes on his drums, knocking everything over, including himself. What should we do?
Your fan,
Paul McCarkey

Dear Paul,
Your friend seems to be swallowing in his father's footsteps.
First, witness to him. You might begin with Psalm 141:10 from the New Living Translation: "The wicked fall into their own snares, but let me escape."
If he doesn't repent, call KFC and order a pair of drumsticks to be delivered to his house with the note: "Dude, until your heart is right with God, these are the only drumsticks you will be allowed to use. Until then, you are being replaced by a drum machine. Meanwhile, I am here if you need to talk."
I am sending you, free of charge, "The Gospel of John for Drummers". It is no different from any other Gospel of John. It just has a specialized cover that depicts Lazarus and the sons of Zebedee playing drums in Heaven.
Your friend,

1 comment:

  1. Eddie,
    As a Dr. of medicine you know as well as I do that we must always proceed with extremely caution, even when it is in jest, when it comes to the topic of KFC A.K.A Kentucky Fried Chicken. As you know, it is a well documented fact that "The Colonel" with is wee *beady* eyes, and that smug look on his face, puts an addictive chemical in his chicken that makes ya crave it fortnightly.
    Thanks for all your help.
    Your distant cousin,


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