I drifted off to sleep, imagining I was smoking a big old cigar (seegar) and lifting a glass of ale. "I'm C. S. Lewis!" I thought. Then I heard the Bee Gee's singing in the background. "Nah, even Lewis wouldn't go that far."
Suddenly, an animal like I had never seen before appeared before me. "What in the name of evolution is going on here?" I shrieked.
"Easy," the animal said. "You're visiting heaven. Now go back and tell this story to the world, write a book, have a movie made, and get rich. Here are some things to make sure others believe...
"Your cousin Ed just got a tattoo of a duck on his left cheek. And not the cheek above his neck if you know what I mean."
"Corky Velvetta's nickname used to be Sugar Plum."
"The Cubs will win the World Series this year."
Now put the pedal to the metal and head back home!"
I got home, and sure enough, Ed had a tattoo, just as stated. Corky reluctantly admitted that some used to call him Sugar Plum. And the Cubs went on to win the World Series.
But the Bee Gees playing in heaven? Who is going to believe that one?
Perhaps for a title, "Too Much Heaven" (which is a Bee Gee song) Or maybe, "Wish You Were Here" (Bee Gees and Pink Floyd. I really could see hearing some Pink Floyd up there). Or, last try, "I Can't See Nobody" (which of course, besides being a BG song, implies that I can see somebody).
"What ya reading there, Henry?" a friendly voice inquires, giving Henry Bemis, the last man on earth, quite a jolt.
"Sam?" he chokes, shaking his head. "Sam, is that you?"
"Sure is, my man!" he laughs, stepping into the light of Henry's lanterns, a glass of water in his hand. "So what ya reading?"
"You can't be alive, a bomb went off, I'm the last man on earth! You're fake, right?"
"Are you a fan of the Bee Gees?"
"I've never heard of them..."
"Oh. Well, of course I'm real! Want a chocolate cigar?"
"I'm so confused..."
"Whatcha reading?"
"Uh, Finney's systematic theology."
"That's so last century. You need to put the pedal to the metal and read some Rob Bell!"
"Who is he?"
"He's like the evolution of bad theology in hipster form."
"What's a hipster?"
"Never mind. Come on, man, read some theologically richer stuff - break out some Spurgeon or something..."
"Are...are you from the future?"
-
"Wake up, Henry!" a familiar voice yells, belonging to none other than the sleeping man's wife. "I know you haven't had much time to sleep lately, but you've been asleep for fifteen hours!"
"I had the most awful dreams," the tired man mumbles as his wife walks into the room. "I dreamed that I was the last man on earth, and I was reading Finney's systematic theology and enjoying it, and..."
The two gasp - that very book, resting on the night stand.
"I'm never going to sleep that long again," Henry cries, rising out of bed. "Let's go eat something, read some Spurgeon, and forget about this.
"That sounds like a good idea to me!" his spouse agrees.
-
And so, friends, what we can learn from this little tale is that sometimes, sleeping too long can have dire consequences. It might make you late for something important. It might make you miss something altogether. Or it might make you think that you're the last man on earth...And you turned into a Pelagian. Thank you for joining us, and good night.
I drifted off to sleep, imagining I was smoking a big old cigar (seegar) and lifting a glass of ale. "I'm C. S. Lewis!" I thought. Then I heard the Bee Gee's singing in the background. "Nah, even Lewis wouldn't go that far."
ReplyDeleteSuddenly, an animal like I had never seen before appeared before me. "What in the name of evolution is going on here?" I shrieked.
"Easy," the animal said. "You're visiting heaven. Now go back and tell this story to the world, write a book, have a movie made, and get rich. Here are some things to make sure others believe...
"Your cousin Ed just got a tattoo of a duck on his left cheek. And not the cheek above his neck if you know what I mean."
"Corky Velvetta's nickname used to be Sugar Plum."
"The Cubs will win the World Series this year."
Now put the pedal to the metal and head back home!"
I got home, and sure enough, Ed had a tattoo, just as stated. Corky reluctantly admitted that some used to call him Sugar Plum. And the Cubs went on to win the World Series.
But the Bee Gees playing in heaven? Who is going to believe that one?
If Tom Hanks is in the movie version they'll believe it,
ReplyDeletePerhaps for a title, "Too Much Heaven" (which is a Bee Gee song) Or maybe, "Wish You Were Here" (Bee Gees and Pink Floyd. I really could see hearing some Pink Floyd up there). Or, last try, "I Can't See Nobody" (which of course, besides being a BG song, implies that I can see somebody).
ReplyDeleteTom Hanks playing me? How delightful!
Time Enough to Dream
ReplyDelete"What ya reading there, Henry?" a friendly voice inquires, giving Henry Bemis, the last man on earth, quite a jolt.
"Sam?" he chokes, shaking his head. "Sam, is that you?"
"Sure is, my man!" he laughs, stepping into the light of Henry's lanterns, a glass of water in his hand. "So what ya reading?"
"You can't be alive, a bomb went off, I'm the last man on earth! You're fake, right?"
"Are you a fan of the Bee Gees?"
"I've never heard of them..."
"Oh. Well, of course I'm real! Want a chocolate cigar?"
"I'm so confused..."
"Whatcha reading?"
"Uh, Finney's systematic theology."
"That's so last century. You need to put the pedal to the metal and read some Rob Bell!"
"Who is he?"
"He's like the evolution of bad theology in hipster form."
"What's a hipster?"
"Never mind. Come on, man, read some theologically richer stuff - break out some Spurgeon or something..."
"Are...are you from the future?"
-
"Wake up, Henry!" a familiar voice yells, belonging to none other than the sleeping man's wife. "I know you haven't had much time to sleep lately, but you've been asleep for fifteen hours!"
"I had the most awful dreams," the tired man mumbles as his wife walks into the room. "I dreamed that I was the last man on earth, and I was reading Finney's systematic theology and enjoying it, and..."
The two gasp - that very book, resting on the night stand.
"I'm never going to sleep that long again," Henry cries, rising out of bed. "Let's go eat something, read some Spurgeon, and forget about this.
"That sounds like a good idea to me!" his spouse agrees.
-
And so, friends, what we can learn from this little tale is that sometimes, sleeping too long can have dire consequences. It might make you late for something important. It might make you miss something altogether. Or it might make you think that you're the last man on earth...And you turned into a Pelagian. Thank you for joining us, and good night.
My apologies for taking so long to get this written. Health's been especially bad lately.
ReplyDeleteNo apology needed. Glad you're back at it and get well, brother.
ReplyDeleteWorking on it. Thanks, my friend.
ReplyDelete