Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Balloon Talk #7


Well, it did seem the most "fitting".
Read all the other "entries" below!

51 comments:

  1. "Hold on, Dave! HAL 9000 is trying to process Romans 9!"

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  2. Look Camper you can sabotage the ship if you want but it is the 22nd and I can still see the earth! I am going back!

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  3. "Get back here with my radio! You know I wanted to see if the rapture was today!"

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  4. @Joel the Loserville Mayor & Anonymous Dorkazoid: Oh, laugh now, laugh now, gentlemen. Because you won't be laughing for long!!!

    MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

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  5. Maybe you need to go camping. That might relieve some stress.

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  6. So, you thought your cryptic little remark about "doing some extra vehicular activity to let off some steam" would go right over my head, did you? You're dealing with a Calvinist here, Dr. Schuller. A CALVINIST!

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  7. "Okay Eddie, you don't have to take the space helmet off - ever. Just get back in the ship, please!"

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  8. RUN, ANDY! Corky Velveeta is going to EXPLOOOOOOODE!

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  9. I vote for Mr. Garner's caption! :D

    But what do we do? It's the SS Calvinist! Are they sabotaging it?

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  10. "Stop it! Stop it! You know we don't play keep-away with my Martin Luther Jell-o mold!"

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  11. @Joel: Funny stuff. Hey, when is the rapture supposed to happen anyway?

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  12. Keep laughing, kiddies. Little do you know that was me chasing him out! Bwahahahaha! Never bring up Reformed Theology with me, especially in space!

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  13. THEO- that was good!

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  14. @Michael:
    the latest trend in rapture dates is the 21st.
    AAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...........

    Next!

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  15. "I was gonna wear the orange suit! Give it to me! Now!"

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  16. "Get in the ship, Charlie! You wanna end up like the Robinsons'? Lost in space?"

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  17. "I'm telling you, Phil, the Corky picture winked at me. It's not safe to be in the same room with it!"

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  18. "You moron! Why did you apply for this job if you're afraid of heights?"

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  19. "Get back here, scoundrel! How dare you call the Right Reverend Rob Bell the 'Prince of Paltry Patheticness'!"

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  20. Michael Wright said...
    "... Hey, when is the rapture supposed to happen anyway?"

    That's easy, Michael, just do the math. Although no one knows the day nor the hour, we do know that:

    a. The second coming will happen within the generation that sees the "budding of the fig tree," that is, the re-establishment of Israel.

    b. A generation is 40 years.

    c. Israel was re-established in 1948.

    d. Therefore the second coming must occur no later than 1988.

    e. The second coming is preceded by the seven-year tribulation.

    f. The rapture is at the beginning of those seven years.

    Ergo...*drum roll* The Rapture can take place no later than the year 1981.

    ARE YOU READY?
    ______________

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  21. Yeah, yeah, rub it in, why don't you. Well, guess what, kiddies, THIS TIME I'm right. Savvy?!

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  22. Yeah, yeah, rub it in, why don't you. Well, guess what, kiddies, THIS TIME I'm right. Savvy?!

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  23. Shucks. Apologies for the double post.

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  24. "I know we're supposed to meet Him in the air, but can't you use the air INSIDE?"

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  25. "Snodgrass, you fool! You've used the Arminian Wrench on the Theology valve and now we're losing structural integrity! We've got to reach Corky soon - he's the only one who can fix this mess!"

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  26. Good one, Blaine Monster!

    @Stranger: Your parody of the dispensationalist view is only lacking one thing. You need to keep updating the theory to match current events, so that the rapture is always just about to happen, any day, because of what happened the previous day.

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  27. UPDATE

    "You need to keep updating the theory to match current events, so that the rapture is always just about to happen, any day, because of what happened the previous day."

    Right, you are, THEOparadox. Here are two revisions for the price of one:

    I. The "budding of the fig tree" was when Israel captured and annexed "East Jerusalem" in the Six-Day War of 1967. That places the Second Coming no later than 2007 and the Rapture no later than 2000. (Y2K)

    II. The "budding of the fig tree" was when the Knesset officially declared Jerusalem to be the capital of Israel in 1980. That postpones the Second Coming to no later than 2020, and the Rapture to no later than 2013, the year that President Obama starts his second term, and creates the new cabinet-level post of "Prophet."

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  28. @Stranger: You should write a book about this. It'll go right next to "Against Calvinism" on the humor shelf.

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  29. The "funny" thing is, Michael, that except for the part about President Obama, all three of the scenarios were actually accepted as viable in their time. The first one was the predominant view in the '70s when I first became a Christian. Many thought it was the ONLY view around except in "dead" liturgical churches.

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  30. The "budding of the fig tree" was when the Knesset officially declared Jerusalem to be the capital of Israel in 1980. That postpones the Second Coming to no later than 2020, and the Rapture to no later than 2013, the year that President Obama starts his second term, and creates the new cabinet-level post of "Prophet."
    According to the newest post on CC, I think your prophecy came true, Mr. Boyd!

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  31. Yes, CG. I noticed that too. I was thinking, "Wow. How did Eddie create that post just minutes after I posted my comment."

    We must be in the "last days" or sumpthin'.

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  32. I thought that Mr. Eddings was playing a joke on you for your comment, but I guess it was just predestined.

    Quick! Send all my life's savings to Family Radio! (by the way, what good does that do?)

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  33. The Balloon Talk "winner" will have to be patient. My computer isn't able to get online at the present time. It has been malfuctioning for the last two days. (It has crashed three times while I tried to fix it.) This morning, I backed up my Calvinistic Cartoons in case my computer decides to completely die on me. Hope and pray this gets resolved soon. I need to post another month and a half of material before I leave for the States July 20th.

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  34. ...I am posting my comments at the American School of Kuwait, where I am an Instuctor's Assistant for the first grade. Next year, I help teach art.

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  35. Sorry to hear of your troubles, brother. Will pray.

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  36. Good job, Stranger! You get the Jack Van Impe award!

    Even Harold the Camper can't top that. And if he can, he only has two days left to do it. Two days before he says there was some "other information" God didn't tell him.

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  37. Thanks for the prayers! When I got home it was working.

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  38. The Jack Van Impe Award?! I am SO honored. But I must mention the special people who had a big influence on my sense of humor when I was a youth.

    I would like to thank:

    My parents
    Stan Freberg
    Louis Nye
    Shelly Berman
    Bob Newhart
    Gary Owens (when he was a top 40 d.j.)
    Bullwinkle J. Moose
    Every writer and cartoonist at MAD MAGAZINE
    Jonathan Winters
    Henry Haynes & Kenneth Burns
    Dodgers star Frank Howard (when he fell backwards off the stage in his chair)
    Steve Allen
    Gerald Ford
    Dubble Bubble comics
    Fleer Funnies
    & Whoever invented lists.

    So, do I get something to put on my mantle or hang on the wall? Is there a scholarship, a complete mens' wardrobe, or an all expenses paid cruise to Puerto Vallarta? A subscription to something......?

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  39. Actually, I heard about some of those theories you mentioned, Stranger. It's really kinda funny that no matter how many times their wrong they just keep trying again.

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  40. @Stranger: Since you have now won the award, you get to the special prize of....drum roll....fanfare...meeting the Pope! Yes, that's right you get to kiss the ring and the robe of the "holy father" himself. I bet that tops every time you met Santa as a kid!

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  41. Actually, I heard about some of those theories you mentioned, Stranger. It's really kinda funny that no matter how many times their wrong they just keep trying again.

    Michael, to you and me it may seem kinda funny. But to them...IT SELLS.

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  42. @ Eddie The Helmet

    Glad your computer is fixed. Your posts only make Arminians look good. Hahahahaha

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  43. Thanks Joel! And thanks Eddie! And thanks to everyone at the network . . . I feel blessed to be a Calvinistic Cartoons Prize Winner!

    And all of this just two days before the world ends. I will probably be the last one ever to win the $7,000 prize.

    Stranger, since you have been awarded the JVI prize for your great dispensational parodies in this thread, I will split my winnings with you. As soon as Eddie sends me that $7,000 I.O.U. I will send you one half. Would you like the half with the I and part of the O, or the half with the U and part of the O?

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  44. I get to meet the pope? Well, we do have a few theological differences, but from his Make-a-Facebook page, it looks like he has a swell sense of humor.

    I'll pass on the kissing business.

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  45. Congrats, THEO! That was definitely a fitting caption! :D

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