"Thank ye kindly for the gesture, ma'am, but it's been my custom never to drink milk from an unorthodox bovine. That there cow o' yours ain't no Calvinist, I tells ya. She eats tulips."
Woman: So you've been going to an evangelism meeting?
Man: Yep, been wanting to ask you a question.
Little girl: What kind of question, mister?
Man: If you were to die right now where would you spend eternity? Have you chosen Jesus to make Him your personal Savior? God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life!
The widower Armand seems to have taken a shine to the widow Bessie. This is the fourth time he has driven around the block to accept her offer of a cool drink, and now he is asking her if there is an opening in the church choir for a baritone.
Dad to child: Honey you just march right back in that Sunday school and tell them I can too spell supralapsarianism...and if they don't believe it I'll show them a logical order or two.
pas ha pistu.... what did you say little girl? it's a paraphrastic constuction in the Greek? oooh no little girl you ain't pulling out your fancy greek grammer on me! no sir! look I gots this good 1611 King James here and it says who-so-ever! you hear me WHO-SO-EVER!
Helen: I am sorry Sir but if you remember right I never did say that it was milk. Little girl: Oh my goodness mommy he actually drank it!!! Helen: You see Sir not unlike the rancid concoction you just drank down the gospel that you subscribe to is really no gospel at all.
You should have seen it, Sally. The preacher told us deacons about the family down at the Lazy B Ranch, ya know them busy bodies aint got no gumshin. Well, the next thing I knew it they had collected all this here donations to help them through this tough row. I tried to tell 'em what Scripture says in 1 Tim 5, but they's minds were made up. And somehow they talked me into delivering it all.
Little Girl: Daddy, guess what I've been picking, TULIPs!
ReplyDeleteDad: I told you to stick with daisies, they're a universal flower.
Mother: She's been listening to the "Meat of the Word" butcher again, just finish your Sincere Milk and get to town.
Whenever his master stopped to chat with Mrs. Beal, Rover sniffed the air to see if she had taken in any Arminian lodgers recently.
ReplyDelete"Thank ye kindly for the gesture, ma'am, but it's been my custom never to drink milk from an unorthodox bovine. That there cow o' yours ain't no Calvinist, I tells ya. She eats tulips."
ReplyDeleteExcuse me, mister. Is your last name Sisera?
ReplyDelete@Persis: Haha! Awesome!
ReplyDeleteMethinks the little girl is holding a tent peg behind her back. :D
@Inkslinger: It's the first thing that popped into my head.
ReplyDeleteHaha, you win, Persis!
ReplyDeleteLittle girl: So you saw Mr. Whitfield?
ReplyDeleteMan: Aye, and quite a meetin' it twas, lassie. Ye see, we don' ge' goo' preachars roun' her' no mor'.
Woman: So you've been going to an evangelism meeting?
ReplyDeleteMan: Yep, been wanting to ask you a question.
Little girl: What kind of question, mister?
Man: If you were to die right now where would you spend eternity? Have you chosen Jesus to make Him your personal Savior? God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life!
Woman: Get off my lawn.
@Michael: Love that last one! :)
ReplyDeleteMan: I hear the deacons are going to question the pastor tonight...they think he's going Arminian.
ReplyDeleteWoman: Oh, no! We can't have that! What with the children...
Little Girl: Can't have what, mama?
Man: Not to worry, just take her through the Westminster Catechism...she'll be all right.
Lady, when you're thirsty, Arminian milk tastes pretty good...if I only had some Calvinistic steak and potatoes to go with it!
ReplyDeleteThe widower Armand seems to have taken a shine to the widow Bessie. This is the fourth time he has driven around the block to accept her offer of a cool drink, and now he is asking her if there is an opening in the church choir for a baritone.
ReplyDeleteMan: "Thank you kindly for the milk, ma'am. Tastes mighty fine to this here thirsty Calvinist."
ReplyDeleteWoman: "You're welcome. My father, Jacobus, has the best milk cows in the area!"
Man: "*Cough*! Err, I think I best be leaving now..."
This isn't particularly funny, but my mind is shot. So, there it is. :-D
Man: Hey! This tastes like Arminian milk!
ReplyDeleteWoman: It is...but, only 2 percent.
Man: No wonder it tasted weak! I need 100 percent whole milk, I tells ya!
Woman: How 'bout skimmed?
Man: I don't wanna skim nuttin!
Dad to child: Honey you just march right back in that Sunday school and tell them I can too spell supralapsarianism...and if they don't believe it I'll show them a logical order or two.
ReplyDeleteHay! what's that Jenny? Hay! Ooh! you mean the wago yep it's full of just like your unlce Harold.
ReplyDeleteLet's try it again this time with the light on so I can see the keyboard.
ReplyDeleteHay! what's that Jenny? Hay! Ooh! you mean the wagon yep it's full of hay just like your unlce Harold.
I thought it was just fine the first try.
ReplyDeletepas ha pistu.... what did you say little girl?
ReplyDeleteit's a paraphrastic constuction in the Greek?
oooh no little girl you ain't pulling out your fancy greek grammer on me! no sir! look I gots this good 1611 King James here and it says who-so-ever! you hear me WHO-SO-EVER!
Don Nowen: "You're right, Mrs. Berty, this milk really is good!"
ReplyDeleteNola Berty: "You see, Mr. Nowen, you don't have to drink the Arminian koolaid."
Sorry Maam, this gospel milk just won't cut it, I am a man, I need meat!
ReplyDeleteHelen's new witnessing strategy:
ReplyDeleteHelen: I am sorry Sir but if you remember right I never did say that it was milk.
Little girl: Oh my goodness mommy he actually drank it!!!
Helen: You see Sir not unlike the rancid concoction you just drank down the gospel that you subscribe to is really no gospel at all.
Little girl: You gonna go to hell mister, my maw she put alkyhol in that lemonade!
ReplyDeleteYou should have seen it, Sally. The preacher told us deacons about the family down at the Lazy B Ranch, ya know them busy bodies aint got no gumshin. Well, the next thing I knew it they had collected all this here donations to help them through this tough row. I tried to tell 'em what Scripture says in 1 Tim 5, but they's minds were made up. And somehow they talked me into delivering it all.
ReplyDelete