Monday, May 23, 2011

Just for Laughs #158

Deliver the goods

25 comments:

  1. Little Girl: Daddy, guess what I've been picking, TULIPs!

    Dad: I told you to stick with daisies, they're a universal flower.

    Mother: She's been listening to the "Meat of the Word" butcher again, just finish your Sincere Milk and get to town.

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  2. Whenever his master stopped to chat with Mrs. Beal, Rover sniffed the air to see if she had taken in any Arminian lodgers recently.

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  3. "Thank ye kindly for the gesture, ma'am, but it's been my custom never to drink milk from an unorthodox bovine. That there cow o' yours ain't no Calvinist, I tells ya. She eats tulips."

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  4. Excuse me, mister. Is your last name Sisera?

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  5. @Persis: Haha! Awesome!

    Methinks the little girl is holding a tent peg behind her back. :D

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  6. @Inkslinger: It's the first thing that popped into my head.

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  7. Haha, you win, Persis!

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  8. Little girl: So you saw Mr. Whitfield?

    Man: Aye, and quite a meetin' it twas, lassie. Ye see, we don' ge' goo' preachars roun' her' no mor'.

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  9. Woman: So you've been going to an evangelism meeting?

    Man: Yep, been wanting to ask you a question.

    Little girl: What kind of question, mister?

    Man: If you were to die right now where would you spend eternity? Have you chosen Jesus to make Him your personal Savior? God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life!

    Woman: Get off my lawn.

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  10. Man: I hear the deacons are going to question the pastor tonight...they think he's going Arminian.

    Woman: Oh, no! We can't have that! What with the children...

    Little Girl: Can't have what, mama?

    Man: Not to worry, just take her through the Westminster Catechism...she'll be all right.

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  11. Lady, when you're thirsty, Arminian milk tastes pretty good...if I only had some Calvinistic steak and potatoes to go with it!

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  12. The widower Armand seems to have taken a shine to the widow Bessie. This is the fourth time he has driven around the block to accept her offer of a cool drink, and now he is asking her if there is an opening in the church choir for a baritone.

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  13. Man: "Thank you kindly for the milk, ma'am. Tastes mighty fine to this here thirsty Calvinist."

    Woman: "You're welcome. My father, Jacobus, has the best milk cows in the area!"

    Man: "*Cough*! Err, I think I best be leaving now..."

    This isn't particularly funny, but my mind is shot. So, there it is. :-D

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  14. Man: Hey! This tastes like Arminian milk!

    Woman: It is...but, only 2 percent.

    Man: No wonder it tasted weak! I need 100 percent whole milk, I tells ya!

    Woman: How 'bout skimmed?

    Man: I don't wanna skim nuttin!

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  15. Dad to child: Honey you just march right back in that Sunday school and tell them I can too spell supralapsarianism...and if they don't believe it I'll show them a logical order or two.

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  16. Hay! what's that Jenny? Hay! Ooh! you mean the wago yep it's full of just like your unlce Harold.

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  17. Let's try it again this time with the light on so I can see the keyboard.

    Hay! what's that Jenny? Hay! Ooh! you mean the wagon yep it's full of hay just like your unlce Harold.

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  18. I thought it was just fine the first try.

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  19. pas ha pistu.... what did you say little girl?
    it's a paraphrastic constuction in the Greek?
    oooh no little girl you ain't pulling out your fancy greek grammer on me! no sir! look I gots this good 1611 King James here and it says who-so-ever! you hear me WHO-SO-EVER!

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  20. Don Nowen: "You're right, Mrs. Berty, this milk really is good!"

    Nola Berty: "You see, Mr. Nowen, you don't have to drink the Arminian koolaid."

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  21. Sorry Maam, this gospel milk just won't cut it, I am a man, I need meat!

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  22. Helen's new witnessing strategy:

    Helen: I am sorry Sir but if you remember right I never did say that it was milk.
    Little girl: Oh my goodness mommy he actually drank it!!!
    Helen: You see Sir not unlike the rancid concoction you just drank down the gospel that you subscribe to is really no gospel at all.

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  23. Little girl: You gonna go to hell mister, my maw she put alkyhol in that lemonade!

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  24. You should have seen it, Sally. The preacher told us deacons about the family down at the Lazy B Ranch, ya know them busy bodies aint got no gumshin. Well, the next thing I knew it they had collected all this here donations to help them through this tough row. I tried to tell 'em what Scripture says in 1 Tim 5, but they's minds were made up. And somehow they talked me into delivering it all.

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