Get away from me you Christians! My name is Beanstalk Jenkins and I am an atheist! I will kick you if I have to! I mean it! I'll kick you real hard so you can learn about love and compassion!
"I'll show you free will! It's within my free will to kick anyone that tries to tell me God doesn't grant salvation to anyone who asks Jesus into his heart. The Bible says "whosoever"! Take that!" Once again, the Calvinists of Galloping Gulch were met with the age old argument against God's sovereign election promoted by the Arminian Cowboy Church Association.
Most people don't know that the young Benny Hinn (left) had a brief stint as a movie actor. Unfortunately, every time he waved at other actors or breathed on them, they fell over unconscious. As a result, the studio was forced to hire Morton "Mugly" McGraw (right) as a "catcher" in order to prevent lawsuits. Pictured here is the famous "jail break" scene, after which Hinn's co-star, Kenny "Kenyon" Kopalind (center), was reportedly unconscious for the better part of an afternoon. Kopalind reports having several visions of heaven during this time. Hinn had the same effect on horses, but unfortunately they could not be "caught" and several died from injuries sustained after falling over. Once a rider barely escaped when his horse was unexpectedly "slain out" and rolled to a sudden halt from a full gallop in "cactus country." The last straw was when Hinn motioned toward a camera man, who fell forward and broke a very expensive telephoto lens, effectively ending his career in Hollywood. Nevertheless, Hinn's career a an actor goes on . . .
Spurs or no spurs, Hank was not about to let the Arminian brothers Free will and My Will sneak into the window of Grace Alone Church, and replace the ESV Bibles with their Message Bibles again.
Tensions ran high in Ecumenical FAlls when the town folk realized that Kicky "The CAlvinist" McKickerson and Armpits "The Arminian" McGee were finally going to have it out.
Get away from me you Christians! My name is Beanstalk Jenkins and I am an atheist! I will kick you if I have to! I mean it! I'll kick you real hard so you can learn about love and compassion!
ReplyDelete"I'll show you free will! It's within my free will to kick anyone that tries to tell me God doesn't grant salvation to anyone who asks Jesus into his heart. The Bible says "whosoever"! Take that!" Once again, the Calvinists of Galloping Gulch were met with the age old argument against God's sovereign election promoted by the Arminian Cowboy Church Association.
ReplyDeleteAfter declining crusade attendance, young Benny Hinn reluctantly abandons the "Swift-Kick-to-the-Gut-in-the-Spirit".
ReplyDeleteMost people don't know that the young Benny Hinn (left) had a brief stint as a movie actor. Unfortunately, every time he waved at other actors or breathed on them, they fell over unconscious. As a result, the studio was forced to hire Morton "Mugly" McGraw (right) as a "catcher" in order to prevent lawsuits. Pictured here is the famous "jail break" scene, after which Hinn's co-star, Kenny "Kenyon" Kopalind (center), was reportedly unconscious for the better part of an afternoon. Kopalind reports having several visions of heaven during this time. Hinn had the same effect on horses, but unfortunately they could not be "caught" and several died from injuries sustained after falling over. Once a rider barely escaped when his horse was unexpectedly "slain out" and rolled to a sudden halt from a full gallop in "cactus country." The last straw was when Hinn motioned toward a camera man, who fell forward and broke a very expensive telephoto lens, effectively ending his career in Hollywood. Nevertheless, Hinn's career a an actor goes on . . .
ReplyDeletePilgrim Mommy,
ReplyDeleteSorry, I didn't even see your post until I posted my post! Great minds think alike, eh?
Blessings,
Derek
"Well, I'll be tarred and feathered! He DOES have dried manure on his boot in the shape of the Virgin Mary!
ReplyDeleteSpurs or no spurs, Hank was not about to let the Arminian brothers Free will and My Will sneak into the window of Grace Alone Church, and replace the ESV Bibles with their Message Bibles again.
ReplyDeleteTensions ran high in Ecumenical FAlls when the town folk realized that Kicky "The CAlvinist" McKickerson and Armpits "The Arminian" McGee were finally going to have it out.
ReplyDeleteThe Early History of the Todd Bentley Revival Show, volume 1.
ReplyDeleteCome on guys, help a fella get his boots off!
ReplyDelete"Back away...he has five-point spurs!"
ReplyDelete