ABNORMAL ADVERTISEMENTSArminian -"Have you been near a Calvinist recently? Too near, perhaps? Then buy Arminian Al's Super Soap, guaranteed to cleanse away dozens of doctrinal stenches, including "TULIP", "Wet D.O.G. (Doctrines of Grace)", and more!"Catholic - "Are you trying to earn your salvation, but you feel like you're just not doing enough? Get ahead of the game with Pope Rope, and beat your body into total submission today! Order soon and we'll even throw in a holy shrine, free of charge!"Harold Campingites - "Do you think the world's gonna end? Guess what... We do, too! Wanna warn your friends and neighbors? Guess what... we think you should, too! Call 1-800-RAPTURE, and order a complete set of "Judgment Day" billboard signs, all for the low price of $666!"
Another day in Paradise?Come hither to the modern paradise road, we are totally purpose driven and promise no "Camping" out or any other supernatural experience. We will give you enough soap on a rope to clean up your act and a shrine for your own glory once you have worked all your own righteous deeds.Sorry Eddie I am just not funny...
Very clever, Mr. P. ;) "Wet D.O.G".......bahahahaha! :D Very creative.
"MIRACLE" IN BENNY FINNEY'S SHOWER(Transcript of txt msgs btwn B.F. & Flo Teeky)---------------------------To:BFOpnd up windows in your house to air the place out. stale air.FT---------------------------To:FTThanx. Everything okay..@:)?BF---------------------------To:BFYour Elmo Soap on a Rope grew some mold. Elmo now looks just like Charles G Finney!!! FT---------------------------To:FTDid you throw it out..':)?BF---------------------------To:BFNo. took it as a sign from above. Yu should alert the media. turn your bathroom into a shrine and lots of people will come to see the miracle.FT---------------------------To:FTNO.. its against my theology. arminians DONT have shrines.!!BF---------------------------To:BFI figure we could charge $10 a head for pilgrims to see it.FT---------------------------To:FTRethnking my theologyBF
Doctrinal Soap: From the Armin Ian advertisement campaign. Announcer: Are you tired of all the heresy going around? Example On-Scree: woman running out of a church with a bunch of people chasing her. Announcer: Have you ever caught your kids reading Martin Luther, or John Calvin behind your back? Example On-Scree: Woman putting clothes away and finds Bondage of the Will in son's top dresser drawer. *gasp* Puts hand to her mouth. Announcer: Do you think this is a sign of the times? Example On-Screen: Smiling bearded man in a space helmet is swinging a rope with a lasso on the end, son is standing on the sidewalk. Announcer: If you're tired of it then we have a product for you! Pitch Man who remarkably resembles Benny Finney comes on screen. BF: We've just developed one of the most potent heresy-breakers of all time: Doctrinal Soap! Voice over: Out patented mixture is formulated to break through Calvinistic heresy wherever it may turn up, be it in your sink. Example: Martin Luther portrait made of old food. Then wipe, *shining clean.* BF Voice Over: In your bathtub! Example: Mildew that looks suspiciously like John MacArthur, wiped away, *sparkling clean.* BF Voice over: Even your kids mouth! Example: Little girl talking, "John 6:44, 2 Timothy 1:9" word bubble pops up. Mother reaches behind and pulls out bar of soap. We see the girl with bar of soap in her mouth. BF Returns to screen: So if you're tired of all these shrines to a 500 year old ax murdering, pyromaniac, heretic, phone now and we'll not only send you this soap, we'll include a copy of our booklet: "The John 3:16 Hermaneutic" just as free as your will! So call now!
Okay, wow, I didn't seen Corey's until halfway through writing that, that's interesting. :-)
@Michael: Nice! :)
Stranger wrote,-------To:FTRethnking my theologyBF---------Bwahahahahahaha! That's genius!
Thanks, CG! Glad you found it amusing. :)
Three girls skipping rope:Soap, SignRope, ShrinePastor Bell is dressed to the ninesSign, SoapShrine, RopePastor Bell might run for PopeVelvet, WinsElvis, BlendsPastor Bell still hides his sinsBlanc, MelDon't you tellRob Bell says there ain't no HellHey, HeyWhatta ya sayLet's take the Bell away
Christian JunkIt's a sign of the time that the pace of life is getting out of control. Sometimes you're so busy you have to choose between bathing and reading your BIble. But how about killing two birds with one stone?It's Ephesians 5:26 Soap on a Rope - the only soap with recycled pages from The Message Bible pressed into tiny beads so you can wash yourself with the word and exfoliate at the same time! Order yours today, and if you order a case by midnight tonight, we will send you your very own complimentary guardian angel shrine made of handcrafted, 100% iron pyrite plated polyvinyl chloride. Operators are standing by.
I Saw the Shrine by Ace of BaseI saw the shrine, and it opened up my eyesI saw the shrineIn a church backyard, with a labyrinth in it.I saw the shrine, and it opened up my eyesI saw the shrine.I'm trying to toss a rope to drag you back to reality.But where do you belong?There was a pastor with a PCUSA a church down the street. He tried some new stuff. Claimed he dreamed of heaven then came back. Then he said a cuss word, and his grandma washed his mouth with soap. Oh oh oh oh oh. He didn't get the sign.I saw the shrine, and it opened up my eyesI saw the shrineIn a church backyard, with a labyrinth in it.I saw the shrine, and it opened up my eyesI saw the shrine.I'm trying to toss a rope to drag you back to reality.But where do you belong?
@Meghan:Perfect song for your creativity!