WESLEY'S ARMINIAN HORSEWesley: "Doctor, get your head out of the clouds and tell me what to do. The fact of the matter is, my horse won't eat these oats. Says that if men have free will, so do horses. He also added that he wouldn't be carrying me to chapel anymore."
Golden OatsMr. Ed: Wilbur, why are you so happy today?Wilbur: I died for 30 minutes last night and went to heaven. I was riding on a horse into the clouds and saw both your parents, my parents, and all our dead friends.Mr. Ed: Is it true that the oats are made of gold?Wilbur: No, that's the streets.Mr. Ed: Did you see the White Horse's Rider, himself?Wilbur: No, but I was happy just the same.Mr. Ed: Well, you'd better call the doctor then for a CAT scan because this is no heaven.
@Meghan: Haha! Very nice. :)
@Meghan clever, very clever!
Wilbur: Doctor LaHay (no pun intended, well, truthfully it was intended), there is a dispensational horse in my barn eating oats and talking about riding on the clouds bringing judgment...have I been 'left behind'?Tru (formerly Truthinator but that name offended several folks in a 6-person survey)
The Reverend-Doctor-Bishop- Brother Caddy Woolridge still had miles to go before reaching his next preaching and blessing service. The weather didn't look promising, as the clouds had been building up since morning. To help relieve the boredom he had been singing "Oats, Peas, Beans and Barley Grow" continually for the last five hours. He just noticed that his horse appeared to be more than a little agitated. Was it his singing voice? Or was it the fact that he had been doing the motions to the song? Ah, still miles to go. Fortunatesly, it wasn't like he had to practice a sermon from the scriptures or anything. He never used a Bible; didn't even own one.Yes, miles to go..."...Stamps his foot and claps his hands. And turns around to view his land..."
***With Eddies OK....I am managing a new blog that features our son's photography. It is simply called, Photography by Joseph. Please stop by and have a look - leave a comment. Sorry, we are not set up to serve refreshments at this time. Hopefully in the future. http://photographybyjoseph.blogspot.com/Thank you Eddie.Craig Boyd
How Not to Get A DateAlan the Arminian went riding down the beach on his trusty steed Wesley. He had been doing much better after the horse doctor dude had recommended changing his oats, so that had all worked out. "Look at them clouds, Wesley, fine day for a date." They rode down the beach, Alan daydreaming of romantic horseback riding when they came across a young woman of the attractive sort, laying on a beach towel. Alan, seeing his chance, went for it. "My! I knew angels were real, I just didn't know they flew this low..." She stared at him. Her blonde hair was thrown back in a ponytail (yet surprisingly Wesley showed no interest) and the parka she wore was tightly secured. Without a word she turned away. Try again, he thought. "Hey, cupcake, I'm not coveting, I intend to make you mine..." She looked at him again. "You are totally depraved." Aha! A Christian, that would save him on the conversion step. "So you believe God created the earth?" He asked. She inclined her head, "Uh, yeah...""Well, baby, He was showing off when He made you!" "I don't want to be rude." She said. "But you're seriously creeping me out." "Do you believe stealing's a sin?" "Yes." "Well you just stole my heart, but don't worry, we can trade." She reached down and picked up the book she had been reading and tucked it in the pocket of her parka. "Why don't you use your free will and choose me?" "I'm a Calvinist, and it's predestined for me to find another place to be." Well, he could fix that. "You know I didn't believe in predestination...until now." "Seriously, I'm going away." "Alright, I suppose you have to check in to Heaven every now and then." She quickly walked away with her beach towel tucked under her arm, leaving him with these words: "I'll pray for your conversion, if ever there was evidence of the necessity of unconditional election, I think I just saw it. Goodbye." Alan watched her go, turned to Wesley and said, "What are going to do now?" Wesley snorted. "Yeah, let's see if there's anyone by the docks." The End
@Corey: Nice. :-)
@Michael: Bwahahahahahaha! That was hilarious! Well done! :)
@Stranger: Cool deal! Thanks for the link!
@Michael: Sweetness!@Anyone; Also, if you're wondering why the girl was wearing a parka on the beach, it's an inside joke. ;-)http://www.pluggedin.com/movies/intheaters/soulsurfer.aspxFrom the (horrible) article: As Bethany's mom, Cheri Hamilton, told Focus on the Family in an interview, "You can't exactly wear a parka on a beach."
@Joel: OK, I get it. :)(And you're right - that was a "horrible" article... after all, it's endorsing a horrible movie)
I thought about putting an "Inside Joke Alert" reference in there, but I didn't. :-)