This isn't an entry... but I had to say:O SHEESH Y'ALL! 'TWAS A DREAM!!
I'd like to participate, but I'm really freaked out right now. Ventriloquists are creepy, man!
The preacher on the TV said I would be a fool,Not to name and claim it as it’s a biblical rule.He said I’d have a Bentley, a mansion and a Rolls,Sporting Rolex and Armani and a suitcase full of gold.But I’ve read the Word and I know all things ain’t true,So don’t come round here with that theological voodoo.Teachings like yours are really empty ventures, Like your diamond laced grill is a mouth full of dentures,Your Bentley is a Yugo and your mansion a house of sticks, No thanks bro, I’ll stick with the Word and build a house with bricks
Suitcase full of bricksI lugged my sin behind me like a suitcase full of bricks.Old Pharisees with dentures gave me lectures on the way.they lazed around and played with voodoo dolls made out of sticks.But Jesus took my load and will pay back their tricks someday.
a. Wow!! jcftx & Meghan Smith are going to be hard to top.b. Angus, I'm with you. Did you ever see the movie "Devil Doll?"c. Has anyone considered the possibility that ventriloqui began in the Garden of Eden??!! Think about it.
THE REST OF THE STORY...The wise man, who not only built a house on the rock, but built it out of bricks lived a long life. He became a dentist and was often seen fitting the homeless for dentures. The foolish man ended up living out of a suitcase in Jamaica where he trained as a voodoo priest. Unfortunately for him, as soon as he finished his training, another storm came and swept him out to sea where he was swallowed by a large fish. Unlike Jonah, he did not escape the belly of beast, but remained fish food. How DREADful!
RebornMan and TwiceBornDude"Supercalafrajalisticexpaladocious, mighty suitcase dentures and bricks of voodoo, RebornMan!" TwiceBornDude yelled excitedly as we sat on our big comfy couch, each stroking Ruger SR-556s while devouring oven-done, cheese-covered steak, potatoes, and, well...You get the picture."This just in!" Skip Skipson of CalvinistVilleNews (CVN) announced on the television. "JohnWesleyMan has been spotted by a singing cowboy in the park! He was last seen...NOOO!!!!!!!!"Brrzzttt!!! The channel went out. We hopped up (after carefully setting the food aside, of course), and engaged the firearms."Secure the premises!" we declared in unison, and took off for front doors of the mansion. As we neared them, the doorbell rang!"Great Martin Luther and John Calvin bobblehead set, RebornMan!" TwiceBornDude whispered. "We have a visitor!""Anybody home?" a voice outside asked, causing us to jump."Let's move," I whispered as we shouldered our weapons. "You get the door. I'll cover you."He nodded, sweating. It was most definitely and certifiably time to par-tay."NOW!" I ordered as we shot forward, he swinging the door open, I standing a few feet back. We gasped as we saw our visitor - a small man dressed in 18th century, British garb!"Evening, gentlemen," he laughed, turning his head to reveal a painted face. "Why so serious?""IT'S JOHNWESLEYMAN!" we cried in horror, causing him to burst into deep and evil laughter."That's right, you fools!" he replied. "I..."Whap! A newspaper went sailing through the air, smacking him upside the head, sending him to porch, dazed."That was nice timing!" TwiceBornDude yelled to our newspaper deliver guy. He waved, not even looking back.As we looked down again at our enemy, however, he was...gone. Gone to fight another day for the forces of Arminianism! "He's gone," TwiceBornDude declared.I nodded. "So he is. But we will find him."DUH-DUH!
Thanks Craig! I'm thinking jctfx is quite good.
@Joel: Haha! Sweet. :)
Thx @Meghan and @Craig. Very nice ditty Meghan!
Horror in the Suitcase When the man walked in the door, Pastor John didn’t think twice about it. The man was old, and weathered, under his arm was as suitcase, the dentures in his mouth weren’t set right so when he smiled it was a crooked smile. “What can I do for you?” John asked. The man set down his suitcase, it rattled as if it were filled with bricks. “I’m here to ask if you need entertainment for your services.” “Uh…sir, we don’t exactly entertain, we focus on the Bible.” ‘I can tell Bible stories.” “Well, sir, our children’s program is doing well, and…” “Not in the children’s program, in the main service! Do you have a drama department?” “We have a lot of cheerleaders in the youth group.” “Close enough. I have a proposition for you, to teach Biblical events and church history using my unique talents.” “What church history.” “Why the journeys of John Wesley, the adventures Arminius, all the way up to Billy Sunday’s early years.” “Sir, did you read the sign? We’re a Reformed church, we don’t exactly enjoy…”“I know that.” The man’s smile grew dark. “I know of your Calvinistic voodoo doctrine, and so that’s why I brought my little friend here.” He tapped the suitcase. Pastor John became concerned the man had brought a gun. “Come out, little Benny, come out!” The suitcase flew open, and a ventriloquist dummy jumped out, his hair wide and puffy, and the exercise outfit sparkling and striped. To his horror, Pastor John realized that the dummy resembled Richard Simmons, and he was beginning to dance. “Time for some Arminian Aerobics, buddy boy!” The dummy screeched. “Bwahaha! Your church will be doing Arminian Aerobics right in front of you! Haha!” The man cackled. Pastor John stared at the demonic dancing doll in front of him, and wondered what the doll would do next. “And now you join me!” The doll turned towards him, and began to climb up on the chair to leap at Pastor John. Pastor John reached behind him and pulled Grudem’s Systematic Theology and brought it down off of the shelf right into the face of the dummy, denting it straight in the middle, sending it falling backwards. “What!” The old man shouted. The dummy rose up from behind the chair, it’s face smashed it, then grinned wickedly, “Time for a smackdown!” Richard Simmons attacked him, leaping up in the air, to be stopped by Pastor John’s Thompson Chain-Reference Bible being held up, the dummy bounced off. Pastor John quickly stood and began to hurl the volumes, one by one, of John Owen’s complete works at the dummy, and with each blow the dummy slowed, until finally it was totally still. “That’s the end of that.” Pastor John said, turning to the old man. “What have you done! Oh, Richie! Richie! What am I to do?”Pastor John replied. “Get a different job.”The End