Felix the Cat

First Day Jitters

This was a school for minor prophets

God's Sway

Enlarge your boundaries by clicking on the picture!

Deep Thoughts by Cotton Adams

Top 10 Movies at the Nineveh Cinema

The movies were shown after Jonah had left the city:

1. The Perfect Storm

2. Happy Gilmore with Adam Sandcrab

3. Jurassic Carp soundtrack by M.C. Hammerhead

4. The Blair Fish Project music by Vince Gill

5. Pulp Fishin'

6. Castaway soundtrack by Hootie and the Blowfish

7. Ocean 11 with music by Whalin' Jennings

8. Marlin Rouge with Nicole Squidman

9. The Codfather with Marlin Brando

10. Starfish Wars with Liam Neonfish and directed by Jaws Mucas

Coming soon: Angelfish and Demons

Jonah Crabby Prophet

There is a crab named the Jonah Crab. Like the Biblical prophet, the rock-hard crab is hardened to all external influences and must be forced to "obey". Here is a little poem about the prophet...not the crab.

Jonah - The Hardshell Prophet
By Eddie Eddings

God said "Go!"
Jonah said "NO!"
It was westward ho for angry Joe.
God made a storm blow
So the sailors would throw
Ol' so and so in the H20
Po' Joe sinko below
His ego swallowed by a giant minnow!

After three days...vomited on the beach
The gastric acid gave his skin the bleach
Uncle "Whitey" learns a lesson and is ready to preach!

"In 40 days - and God is prompt
This wicked city will get stomped!"
Then the pouting prophet with much agitation
Sat outside the city among the vegetation.

His expectation
Of a manifestation
Of Divine condemnation
On this Assyrian population came and went.
Jonah resented
When God relented
After the Ninevites repented

He wanted God to be cross!
He wanted to see blood!
He wanted God to nail them now!

...if he only trusted God for the
When and where
He might have understood the
Who and the how!

The Journal of Cotton Adams #12

June 18, 1739

On the road to the First Baptist Church of Raccoon County in Pine Knot, Kentucky. I am thinking back to the time when I was considering joining the Holy Mackerel Club at Oxford. It was August of 1732 when Polycarp Simons approached me. He mentioned that he and the other ministers in the club had been watching me for some time.

These men included: Pillory Palmetto, Thomas Cokenlocken, Spencer Grommet, Charles Haddon Ducknee, Vinnie Boombana, and Pastor Cotton Mills.

He revealed to me that the name came from their own belief that Jonah had been swallowed by a "specially created giant mackerel". Mr. Simons explained that they believed Jonah had originated the phrase, "Holy Mackerel" and "Something is fishy here!" Members would have the sign of the fish tattooed on their forearm, and would greet other members with, "Am I herring you right?" as a code, verifying membership. Several other ministers meet each month to discuss problems and work out creative solutions.

For example, at the last meeting, Reverend Simons told me the council had decided to always refer to ants as Salvation Army ants. Months before, they decided to rename the "bishops" in their chess set to "pastor/teachers" as in keeping with their own church polity.

This all seemed to me to be a waste of time and energy, and I openly challenged Polycarp Simons to separate himself from such nonsense and join me in my circuit riding ministry. He then denied everything he had told me and said he must excuse himself because of a sudden illness.

I am now beginning to realize his intellect was rivaled only by a small garden tool with a broken handle.

Interview with Pug Dagitt - Emergent Church Leader

The Calvinistic Cartoon Blog Interview

1. Pug, What gives with the new look...why all the tattoos and piercings?

Pug: "I want to be all things to all men. This is my way of crossing all bridges at once in an attempt to win all. My tattoos have illustrated bits of conversations from many different "religious" leaders such as Ghandi, Morpheus, Johnny Appleseed...and, oh yeah, Jesus. My piercings witness to the fact that man suffers from low self-esteem and "Holy" dogma.

2. What is your method of preaching?

Pug: "I like to call it "Starbucks skyscraper sermons", let me explain...Imagine if Starbucks had an 86 floor skyscraper in Montego Bay. Now imagine U2's "Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For" being played by a sitar in the background. You get on the elevator with a candle and a copy of my latest book, "Why I Greet Men", ("greet men" is "emergent" spelled sideways)...anyway, if you have followed me so far, you know that a skyscaper is just one story stacked upon many other stories.
That's the way I roll.

3. Who are the biggest influences in your life as a leader?

Pug: "Jonah, of course, then there is Jose Feliciano, Alexander the Great, Barry Gibb, James Dean, and SpongeBob Squarepants.

4. What books have changed your life?

Pug: "Not sure I would say any books have changed my life. I have never thought about books in that light. It kind of sounds like the question from Junior High School, "what is your favorite song". (which is "Mama Told Me Not to Come" by the way) But maybe books have changed my life, there are so many that I recommend and love reading, I will give some time thinking of books in that way and see what comes to mind...wait a minute...I would like to mention "Doc Savage Man of Bronze in The Land of Terror" as one that made a impact on me at an early age."

5. What's your biggest challenge as a leader?

Pug: "TV Guide Crossword Puzzles. I can never complete one no matter how hard I try. Most of my sermon material comes from those that are published in the New York Times."

6. What goals do you have as a leader?

Pug: "My goals are simple. Try to maintain my sanity. In fact, I have a 'sanity clause' in my verbal contract here at Solomon's Balcony. You may not believe in a sanity clause but, try and tell that to all the children here around Christmas."

7. Where do you see yourself in ten years?

Pug: "I hope to have my own movie company and a TV show, a situation comedy for sure. I have already written the pilot. It will be called, "Harry Tick and the Hinder-sons".

8. One last question. What does the WWJD on the back of your head stand for?

Pug: "What Would Jonah Do."

Thanks Pug for taking time for an interesting interview.