Here's one (this doesn't count)I'm a circuit riderCotton is my nameI'm slippin' off the saddle 'cause I'm ridin' in the rain!Sovereign grace is preached everywhere I go'cause I'm predestinedGod told me so!
...and another one (this doesn't count either):Calvinistic Cartoons that's my siteI'm working in the morning and writing at nightPeople making comments left and rightNo one suspects I'm - the - Dark Knight!
(this is of no account as well):Baklava Koos Koos had a dreamToo much pizza and ice creamSeveral angel warriors woke him up and said,"Just making sure that you're not dead!"
I am just a cage stage CalvinistHounding my friends with my new TULIP!Sermons in my hand, they run in fearI may calm down in twenty years!(Okay, okay, maybe I did hand out just a few Spurgeon sermons, Piper CD's...)
I'm a little teapot, short and stout;Here is my handle, here is my spout;When I get all steamed up, I will shout:"The doctrines of original sin, election, effectual calling, final perseverance, and all those great truths which are called Calvinism—though Calvin was not the author of them, but simply an able writer and preacher upon the subject—are, I believe, the essential doctrines of the Gospel that is in Jesus Christ."
I'm a depraved sinner I have no doubt.Without God's Grace I would simply pout.When I think of his mercy I want to shout; to him be the glory, spread it about.
I was born a wretched child of wrath,Dead in my sin and on hell's path.But by wondrous grace, God rescued me.May all glory He receive!
Here's one for our Arminian friends.I’m the master of my destiny;I determine what I’m going to be.Satan wants my soul, he told me so,But Jesus loves me, this I know.Jesus is my buddy, he’s my friend,I know He’ll be with me to the end.I walked the aisle, I said the prayer.And when I die I’ll be up there.If you invite Jesus in your heart,You can be assured that He will never part.He wants you to have your best life now, And He’ll be there to show you how.
Here's one with five verses; one for each letter of TULIPThere really is no good in me.I am rotten and I’m sure you will agree.Everything I do is all about me.That is Total Depravity.My salvation is all of Grace,Nothing I can offer will my sins erase.God has chosen me for His mercy,Election comes unconditionally.Christ came to seek and save His own.His death on Calvary did atone.For all He called, His blood was shedAnd only those, it’s limited.I was on the run, I wouldn’t be foundBut the Spirit tracked me like a thirsty bloodhound.When He caught me I couldn’t resistAnd now my soul is finally at rest.From my sins I have been freed.My perseverance is guaranteed.He has saved me to the uttermost,And for that I cannot boast.
To avoid offending any teapots:There are many paths; there's not one way.Those who think that are dull and staid.No objective truth, no absolutes,I'll believe what makes me feel good.I can make god just the way I want,Lots of warm fuzzies, no wrath to daunt.Always nice and kind, that's how he'll be.You know, I think he's just like me!
I'm a ruminating calvinistIn my ponderings I persistWhen I am not musing I will scream"Calvinist Theology!"
I’m a trav’lin preacher, short and stout.I can thump a Bible; listen to me shout.Do you have a demon? Is your faith in doubt?Just call on me, I’ll cast it out.
I'm a little tulip, vibrant pinkAnd I don't care what you thinkOf the doctrine I stand for, it's true!But if you're proud it'll make you feel blue
I didn't want to leave anyone out:I'm a blabbit, grabbit preacher man.I drive a rolls royce, not a mini van.God wants you to be rich, just like me.I'll show you how, just pay my fee!
I am evangelist, Rev’rend Sonny Shore,With my Rolex watch and my puffy pompadour.Name it and claim it, God will give you more,I’ll slap you on the forehead and knock you to the floor.
My last one (I think).I'm an atheistic Darwinist.Why search for god, he doesn't exist.We have all evolved and aren't we great!Of course, we descended from an ape.