When the Parachurch Paramecium invades a Sanctaloccocus Episcomoebius with their own brand of curriculum, the Sanctaloccocus Episcomoebius performs a cell division known as "binary fission".
Which indicates that these bacteria are either from Andy Taylor's ears or Opie Taylor's feet. "Binary fission" happens a lot in that part of the country. There are "fission holes" to be seen everywhere. Sometimes in Mayberry there will be signs posted that read, "Gone Fission." Let's just be thankful it wasn't from Otis Campbell or Howard Sprague!
Anyway, to get back to pure science, the division creates two new entities that go their own way. One is the road that leads to destruction. The other is the road to life. This is also referred to in the textbooks as, "Culture Wars". That's a lot like Star Wars, only with one-celled animals hogging the limelight.
It's a scientific fact!