Thursday, July 23, 2009

Answering a Pig-Headed Arminian

Ever have a Christian brother or sister attack your Calvinistic beliefs? I'm not talking about someone who wants to discuss the Doctrines of Grace in a courteous, cordial manner. I'm talking about someone self-righteously ranting and raving. You know the type - they wear their "Free-Willism" like a clown wears make-up. They have semi-Pelagian ear plugs shaped like Charles Finney and never hesitate to use them. They try to force you into playing their favorite game - "Bible Twisting Hop-Scotch". This they learn from an over abundance of wimpy topical sermons that exalt man and place self-will atop Mount Sovereign.

Well, here is what to do.

Have cards made that have the first part of Matthew 7:6 on the front, "Do not give what is holy to dogs, and do not throw your pearls before swine..." As their volume continues to increase (and it will) produce some fake pearls (dollar store brand) from your pocket and gently cast them on the one squealing. At this point, they will stop and in that small window of silence hand them the "Swine card". The very politely invite them to a "pigs-in-a-blanket" luncheon.

It is important that you apologize immediately. Then you might hand them a coupon for 50 cents off a pound of bacon.
btw - the "pig-headed" reference in the title is not meant to offend kind, humble Arminians. Calvinists can be "bull-headed" sometimes. And Cal-minians are known for their "wooden-heads". So, go gently through that good night...and don't get too "heady" with your knowledge.


  1. "Wooden Headed" as in Automotons...Oh watch out Cotton Adams...Too close to his phobia!

    I love Luther'e response to a looney of his day who kept crying "The Spirit...The Spirit!" Luther cried in his ever "bull-headed" way, "I smack though spirit in the snout!"

  2. @Samwise:
    I might have to use that Luther quote at a Charismatic church sometime. I aim to visit one to keep my...disgust fresh? Pity fresh? Prayers intensified?
    It's an odd hobby, I know, studying the Charismatic movement.
    But I love the quote. ;)


Related Posts with Thumbnails