That's the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth!
Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Friday, May 28, 2010
This has got to be harder than the others! Of course, you have proved me wrong time and time again. Try and guess the identity of the center guy...the one with the gold tie. A few may recognize him (you will after his identity is revealed). I don't have to give you any clues at all but, that's part of the fun..so, here are your clues: Astronomer he's not, though a lot of stars he's seen. The most impressive was Superman himself. Something in his ear will give you a clue to his talent. Okay, that's all there is. Start guessing before it's too late!
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
One of the fan photographers, Mittens Maguire, sent this to our offices in Kuwait. She was vacationing in Monkey's Eyebrow, Kentucky when she spotted this billboard. Thanks, Mittens. We will be sending you a nice fat check or $7,000 for your help with this blog.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
This is a photo of Willie Lumpkin being interviewed by me for the role of the Romans 9 grenade. This was a long process, with many disappointed hopefuls. The auditions lasted for a good six weeks before we chose Corky Velveeta. We decided not to use Mr. Lumpkin because of his fear of flying, his fear of driving and his fear of walking. Willie went on to become a stunt man for Larry King.
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Friday, May 21, 2010
Thursday, May 20, 2010
We are the Neo-Amish. We have broken away from the old school of Amishness and have changed a few things to better our future. We use computers, but they are powered by kerosene. We wear our own style of clothes, shoes and hats. We have kept the traditional suspenders for religious reasons.
We are a sub group of the Anabaptists with a slight twist - we will punch your lights out if ye spit at us or hit us with something made of aluminum. Our belief in separation from the world is modified a little. We now can use a taxi if it's raining. The Neo-Amish believe ye can have bean bags as furniture, if the beans inside are home grown. We use musical instruments in our worship and we use muted musical instruments during prayer. The Neo-Amish women not only make quilts and dolls, they make beach towels and ant farms as well.
We want to invite ye and ye're members to come and dine with us this Christmas day if ye aren't doing anything. If anyone does show up, please bring more kerosene so we can maintain our new blog, "Neo-Amish in the House".
Thank ye and may God bless ye, brother Ed.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
Adam Zapel with his three "angels"
"The Mission of Destruction and Mercy" was Adam Zapel's idea when he was resuscitated after he drowned in Lake Superior. He was known as "Apollo Adam" to his congregation. He claimed the three ladies pictured above were "female angels who were created in 1492. Their names, from left to right, are Anita Hugg, Carrie Oakey and Laura Norder.
He believed in members being whipped with "the belt of truth" if money wasn't given every Sunday. His doctrines were in the form of a creed and bordered on insanity, but over one hundred members recited them daily. Here is his "Apollo Creed":
We repudiate all deviation or departure from the Mission of Destruction and Mercy, in whole or in part, and bear witness to these essential visions of Apollo Adam and his apostolic new order which includes a side salad and a box of Twix.The Holy Book of Choice is the only book we shall read unless instructed by our leader. Our attention is focused on "Who Moved My Cheese?".
The received Tradition of the Mission and its teachings as set forth by "the ancient angels of mercy," and especially as defined by the Seven Swans a Swimming of Lake Superior will be ever binding. Anyone who refuses will suffer five blows from "the belt of truth" and the "shoes of peace" will be thrown into the "pit of mesquite wood".
The Sacraments of Baptism, Confirmation, Holy Matrimony, Holy Orders, Penance and Unction of the Sick, as objective and effective signs of the truth of the end time prophecy which declares Apollo Adam holy prophet of this generation. In particular, we affirm the necessity of Baptism in grape juice to be the only way of deliverance.
The Holy Orders of bishops, priests and deacons as the perpetuation of God's gift of apostolic ministry, asserting the necessity of a bishop of apostolic succession (or a priest ordained by such) as the celebrant of the grand opening of Six Flags Over Zion.
The ancient office and ministry of Deaconesses as a lay vocation for women, affirming the need for proper encouragement of that office. That office can be purchased for only $25 per month.
Bishops as Apostles, Prophets, Evangelists, Shepherds and Teachers, as well as their duty (together with other clergy and the laity) to guard and defend the purity and integrity of the Mission can also be purchased for only $50 per month.
We declare our firm intention to seek and achieve full sacramental communion and visible unity with other believers who "have enough money to make a difference," and who hold the Mission and its followers in high esteem. Every new member will receive a hot air balloon ride and a coupon for a free appetizer at Ruby Tuesday's.
Adam Zapel was struck by lightning when he was atop a human pyramid outside his church in 2002. His body was shot from a cannon into Lake Superior. His church is now a used car lot.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
This prestigious trophy is usually awarded in early December to the outstanding player in collegiate football. Imagine my surprise when I was invited to a special banquet where they announced my name! Especially since I have never played football in my life! This "special edition" was given to me by the president of Cotton Adams Quip-Lash Neck Braces, "Junkyard" Cribbits, and Space Sports Museum of America president, "Hockypuck" McGraw. Both are readers of Calvinistic Cartoons although both have vowed never to join as a follower. I also received a check in the amount of $24.77 to be used to buy heartburn tablets. I want to thank my fellow bloggers and, of course, all the loyal readers who bless me with their fequent visits to Calvinistic Cartoons. God bless you everyone! You're beautiful!
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Daily On My Way To Heaven
Early Christian America
Orange County Calvinist
Justification by Grace
Random Thoughts From A Cluttered Mind
Theology for Girls
The Purple Sparrow
The Reformed Traveler
Friday, May 14, 2010
You are going to be banished to an island. No computer available. No electronic gadgets like an Kindle or IPod. You can only choose 10 books to read the rest of your life. You already have a Bible so other than the Bible - what 10 books would you choose?
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
A fellow blogger wrote me an e-mail and said he thought I made "acute observations from a Calvinistic perspective". I'm not sure exactly what he meant but, I decided to make acute observations available to everyone. The photo below is a predestined moment. Put down your hardbound edition of John Owen and gaze at one of God's awesome creations for a second or two. It will speak volumes.
Okay, now you can go back to reading Owen.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Monday, May 10, 2010
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Saturday, May 8, 2010
I publish these Arminian blog pages here so no one can accuse me of not being fair-minded and benevolent toward by brothers and sisters of another viewpoint.