Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Bizarre Things Said in the Pulpit


I once heard a pastor of a slowing dying church say, from the pulpit, " If this church is going to grow, it will grow under my ministry and no one else! I will not share this pulpit with anyone!" 
This was his response to a suggestion the week before about having a week long conference, at the church, where four other ministers would take the pulpit, as well as he.
Have you heard anything strange, odd and bizarre come from a pulpit?
If you have please let us know. If a pastor or preacher enters the pulpit unprepared by prayer and humility, the flesh can certainly take over, and often does. 
And please, no vile language. I will delete any statement that I deem inappropriate.
(although, they will probably ALL be inappropriate, you know what I mean...no vulgarity - thanks)

41 comments:

  1. Once, when preaching a sermon on Ephesians 2.4, I wanted to stress the importance of the adversative word, "but" in this verse. I stood in the pulpit, and with all seriousness said, "You have to constantly be on the lookout for these big 'buts' in the Bible." I went right on, barely even realizing what I'd just said, until a few dear and loving saints greeted me following the service with some excellent admonitions to watch my 'buts' from there on out!

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  2. I remember hearing an old Baptist preacher do a whole sermon on the virgin birth of Jesus. He constantly referred to the "Immaculate Conception" of Jesus Christ! No one seemed to notice or were afraid to tell him that that was a Roman Catholic doctrine of Mary!

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  3. I once heard a pastor say "Open your Bibles to 1 Timothy sex." The people begin to laugh. He responded well, "Hey you all got here that way."

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  4. I once preach and explained something about proselytes. I maybe twice said prostitutes instead before I realized my mistake.

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  5. My favorite is when a pastor says that they have no intention of ever leaving just weeks before they announce that they have just come through a long process of interviewing and seeking the Lord through which God revealed to them that they were called to another church.

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  6. "all means all and that is all all means" :D

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  7. I have actually heard that one myself. The pastor was a user-friendly, let's-not-stir-up-any-controversy type guy who ended up asking me to leave the church.

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  8. When I was a kid, I heard a sermon on the end of times in which the pastor said, "...and before the end of times, a loaf of bread will likely cost a dollar..."

    Now that bread costs $3, surely Jesus is getting onto the horse and ready to ride in...

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  9. Probably more things bizarre, have been said preaching on prophecy than any other subject.

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  10. Memorable quotes from a guest preacher:

    "I am convinced that Jesus sang the sermon on the mount."

    "The Jews made up a bunch of laws for themselves when they returned from exile - this became known as the book of Leviticus."

    "Everyone has their own version of Christian truth."

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  11. Right before a potluck lunch, as the pastor was about to bless the food: "I like to eat before I eat."

    Pretty sure the first "eat" was supposed to be "pray."

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  12. B. R. Lakin use to say, "If God wanted you to be a parrot, you would have been born green and with feathers."

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  13. At a Plymouth Brethren assembly where I attended, the service was concluded by singing M'Cheynne's hymn, When This Passing World is Done.

    Afterward, one of the elders stood up and with tears in his eyes said, "That was a beautiful hymn. But I propose that we not sing the stanza that says, "Chosen, not for good in me, Wakened up from wrath to flee;." I must have had SOME good in me, otherwise God never would have chosen me."

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  14. I once sat through a sermon (uncomfortably) that was on Topgun and listened as the speaker attempted to make connections between Tom Cruise's character with Moses and biblical principles. Needless to say, just about every comment made in that sermon was bizarre. I think I am still in recovery from hearing it a few months ago!

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  15. "Jesus wants you healthy and wealthy".

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  16. During the '6o's many a minister preached sermons on Jesus having short hair. One Sunday School teacher even said that Jesus didn't have a beard.
    My, my, how they westernized Jesus during that era. Richard Hooks paintings of Christ somehow set the standard for the physical appearance of Jesus...at least, that is what many pointed to as the way Christ probably looked like.
    Craziness never seems to stop.

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  17. I attended a United Methodist church once and, prior to distribution of the Lord's Supper, the only admonition that they gave (no I Cor. 11) was the warning of, "Only partake of this meal if you are a Christian, or thinking of becoming one"(?!)

    "Thinking of becoming one"? That sounded bizarre to me, but is that normal for UM churches?

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  18. My pastor ended a sermon by inviting a mime on stage to do an interpretive dance.

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  19. A mime is a terrible thing to waste.



    ....sorry.

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  20. I was once at a Second Chapter of Acts concert (I truly love their music - Matthew Ward has one of the greatest singing voices, ever.) where after the concert Buck Herring (Annie Herring's husband and, I think, the band manager) shared the Gospel. He then asked whoever wanted to receive Jesus Christ as their Savior to stand to their feet. I remember a dozen or so stood to their feet. Then he said something about having the keys of the kingdom and pointed to each one saying, "I now declare you to be saved and part of the kingdom!".

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  21. Bet you can guess what kind of church this came from: ". redeemed mankind has a unique place in the eternal scheme of God because the Bible says that God took of himself; he took something that was innately [inborn, natural] divine and put it into us and we become unique creation. [7:51]

    Now, the angels, they never had access to that divinity.

    But anyway, God [8:00] took out of his very essence and he made a man in his own likeness and image. Then he commissioned that man to rule and reign over his favorite planet.

    So, lucifer rejected the Kingdom of God, Adam was duped. He was tricked and he forfeited the authority and dominion that God called him to. [8:27]

    Now, that’s being restored today. "

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  22. Bizarre things are said from the pulpit every time Joel Osteen or Rick Warren preach...

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  23. I was in UM since my birth (until about 3 years ago)and yes that does happen. Even stranger things than that happen around commuion in UMC.

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  24. Once at our Presbyterian Church (USA), the associate pastor's "sermon" was a one-man-show where he acted out the story of Jonah. At the part where he was on the ship being swamped with waves, his lapel microphone suddenly went dead. After a moment's hesitation, our new interim pastor noticed the problem and ran up to the stage making swimming motions with his arms, and switched mics with him.

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  25. When I was in seminary I used a illustration about people calling in a mediator because they could not agree on what color to paint the church. Finding they could not agree the mediator said they should paint it black and go into mourning. I then remarked "We need to do something about the proliferation of black churches in this country." It was not until I heard the giggles of the people in the back that I realized there were two ways this could be taken.

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  26. My father, a pastor, would often get tongue-tied. He once announced a meeting for the "young bums". He was also quick. When a young upstart made some snide comments about him when introducing him before his talk at a youth conference, his response was, "I feel like the Philistines at the hands of Samson - slain by the jawbone of an ass."

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  27. Firstly: Warren that is pure genius!

    Secondly: I have heard some cringe worthy stuff in my time.
    Before I got saved I was visiting a church and I noticed they locked the doors during the service...also the preacher delighted in proclaiming that Jesus/God was not in certain churches in our city anymore. He "named and shamed" them. It was a hugely "fluffy/airy fairy" church I'd like to add.

    Just last year, I'd only just finished 1&2 Thess at Bible School, I heard a preacher speak about how it's the Church that is "holding back the evil". I think he was actually using the verses about the Holy Spirit keeping it all at bay until the rapture...I got a bit bored and a bit lost to be honest. (Besides thinking I knew everything because I'd just been studying it.)

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  28. Yes, at a funeral, a pastor who preached "The Prosperity Gospel" was having hard time to explain why his best friend and "Worship leader" died of cancer. He said:

    "God talked to me last night and said 'I asked ____if he wanted to stay with me or go back with you all; he chose staying with me"

    And the people gathered said "Amen!" (even the wife!)

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  29. Once while preaching, I was using an illustration of how an ultrasound views the unborn baby. Problem was, instead of saying ultrasound, I kept repeating mammogram. The guys didn't get it, but I got strange looks from the ladies.

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  30. I just remembered these. My brain tried to eliminate the memories to protect itself:

    - The miracle at Cana was the accelerated process of photosynthesis.

    - Adam handed the title deed to the universe to Satan when he fell.

    - God doesn't need to train us like a father. He just nurtures us like a mother.

    And the worst one - "God doesn't care about your repentance."

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  31. Some years ago while attending a conference (I didn't know it then, but it was organised by mainly health-and-wealth and word-faith people), the Australian guest preacher shouted, "God is a party animal!"

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  32. *facepalm* oh trust one of us to say that. Us Aussies are pretty heretical :-P

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  33. Okay, I have to mention this. Another blog posted a video of a preacher, with very nice cuff links, preaching a sermon on how God is going to bring judgment upon America because of non-tithers.

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  34. This is what happens when youth pastors are engrossed in pop-culture. He was substituting for the senior Pastor one Sunday morning when he referred, not once; not twice, but THREE TIMES, to the Shania glory of God.

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  35. Last Sunday I was preaching on Psalm 32. I proposed that there existed three elements of blessing in that text. When I came to the second:

    "Now the second blessing...umm...the second promise...."

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  36. I heard a Methodist minister guesting in the C of E say "As Martin Luther KING said in the 15th century..." 15th?!!!!

    Helen,England

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  37. I remember a pastor actually preaching a Mother's Day sermon based on "Remember Lot's Wife!"

    There was some salty seat-of-the-pants preaching at its worst!

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  38. "I've said more stupid thins behind this pulpit than you know of!" - Jack Shcaap, it's on YouTube.

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  39. Just days before I´d decide that my family and I should leave this particular church, The pastor said that " If you interpret the bible like the Baptists are, you are reading the bible like Satan does!"

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