Playful Puppies Bible from Zondervan

If you love puppies, you will love this Bible! Inside you will find 12 color pages of adorable puppy photos with inspirational thoughts that will encourage you day after day. The Playful Puppies Bible is just the right size to take along wherever you go. Features include: * Presentation page for gift giving * Ribbon marker * Words of Christ in red * 12 pages of adorable puppy photos, Scripture references, and inspirational thoughts * The entire Bible in the New International Version (NIV) with all references to "dogs" bracketed with bones. Coming soon - our new Playful Dinosaur edition.   

Believe It or Get Out #1

Moochie Bonhayden was called "The Creature Preacher". He lived in London in the early part of the 20th century.The Reverend Moochie Bonhayden felt he was called to preach the Gospel to every creature. (see Mark 16:15 KJV) He would visit the Glens and the Dales, and when finished visiting those families, he would stroll into a park, forest or zoo. He tried his best to preach in the language of the animals and use verses that would interest their kind. He was bitten countless times by angry squirrels who must have resented him sticking his head in their tree. One summer he almost drowned when he attempted to baptize a hippopotamus and her baby. Rev. Bonhayden tried to enlist several praying mantises to support his work. Only one was faithful. Moochie named him, Sparky, and carried him everywhere in his hat. It was evident early on, that the Creature Preacher would probably die a horrible death. To everyone's amazement, Moochie Bonhayden lived to be 93. He died in his sleep on October 15, 1941. Several tapirs were seen at his wake. Sparky's exoskeleton was buried with him. 

Strange Eschatology

An Interview with the Reverend Gucci Hummina

A small section from last weeks radio program, "Utter Prophecies":

Reverend Gucci, would you please explain to our listeners, your view of the rapture?

Well, I believe there will be a "partial" rapture. Not the partial rapture that has been touted by those who misread prophecy...y'know...some believers left behind and some taken in advance. No sir, that's just stupid. I'm of the belief that EVERY believer will be partially raptured in a twinkling of an eye.

Would you please explain what you mean?

Well, I am trying to...but, you keep interrupting me. By the way, you won't be in that number monkey man.

Y'see, "partial" means "partial", and that's all it means. When the trumpet blows...and fyi...that tune will be "Shall We Gather at the River"...Christians will have their feet taken to Heaven, first. Then, their legs, hands, arms, torso and finally, their heads. It won't be gory or bloody or anything like that, mind you, it'll be beautiful. 

That's sound completely insane if you ask me!

Well, city boy, nobody asked you! You don't get it because you are ignorant of hidden messages. It's actually a message in itself! Our feet do the walking. Our feet has carried us into sin and into church. Our feet take us where we want to go. It's been that way all our lives. So our feet go first, leaving us on our backs so we can see the Rapture unfold. 

What about those who are left? Won't they see these weird amputations occurring? 

Not at all. Y'see...time will stop for unbelievers. We will see this happen...it will last for more than an hour...but, for lost dudes, like yourself, it will all happen in a microsecond. 

How many Christians believe this? Can you back up your claims with Scripture?

Whoever reads my book, "Defeeted at the Rapture", will see the truth and will join our movement. We now have, at least, forty two, who have joined our Facebook page...and, yes, of course I can back up my claims with Scripture!.....

Well?

Well what! I don't owe you an explanation. Read my book! It's all there! Anyway, I have an appointment with Toni and Guy. I will be appearing on TBN tonight as an honored guest speaker. I tag-team preach with Jan Crouch...I just hope she doesn't interrupt me as much as you do. I'm outta here!

Strange Facts about Christian Leaders #5

 

1.  John Bunyan had 26 bones in each foot! That's a total of 52 bones in his feet! Amazing feat!

2.  Oliver Cromwell's sneeze would rocket out of his body at close to 100 mph!

3.  William Wilberforce's eyes were always the same size from birth to death. During his lifetime, his nose and ears never stopped growing!

4.  John and Charles Wesley would shed and regrow outer skin cells about every 27 days!

5.  J. C. Ryle, as hard as he tried, could not tickle himself.
 
6.  George Whitefield was born with 300 bones, but by adulthood the number was reduced to 206.

7.  C. S. Lewis's left lung was smaller than his right lung.

8.  Count Zinzendorf's fingernails grew nearly 4 times faster than his toenails.

9.  Charles Haddon Spurgeon was born without knee caps. They didn't appear until he was between 2-6 years of age!

10.  Every year, during his lifetime, about 98% of the atoms in John Calvin's body were replaced!

Strange Facts about Christian Leaders #4

1.  David Steele and Curtis Thomas were both born when Halley's Comet came into view in 1835. When they died in 1910, Halley's Comet was in view again...wait a second...sorry, that was Mark Twain.

2.  Mark Driscoll's home is free of badgers.

3.  Tim Keller once thought about ordering personalized license plates but later changed his mind.

4.  R. C. Sproul has never been bitten by the deadly Brazilian wandering spider.

5.  C. J. Mahaney walked out of his home one day and didn't come back until after dark.

6.  Many years ago, Steve Lawson escaped injury when his vehicle knocked over his garbage can while backing out of his driveway.

7.  Cornelius Van Til, in his prime, could probably whip R. J. Rushdoony with one hand tied behind his back.


8.  John Frame is also a classically trained musician and a critic of film, music, and chocolate Easter bunnies.

9.  Abraham Kuyper, in his early years, would mark on walls with crayons.

10.  Louis Berkhof has never bought plastic flamingos in the United States OR in Canada!

Strange Facts about Christian Leaders #3

 

1.  When Carl F. H. Henry would jitterbug in front of his relatives, they would often comment that he looked like a frog in a blender.

2.  John L. Dagg was the world's tallest Baptist theologian. He came in at 18 feet 7 inches.

3.  Albert Mohler, Jr. has created enough saliva in his lifetime to fill a plastic swimming pool!

4.  Once, Wayne Grudem, in his early twenties, did not fill out a bank deposit slip correctly.

5.  John Gill never saw the Titanic, much less step foot on board.

6.  James Petigru Boyce, when a teen,  suffered from an upset stomach after eating too much ice cream and cake.

7.  John F. MacArthur laughs longer, louder, and more often than his brother-in-law.

8.  Charles Spurgeon once ate a bug by mistake. He never knew what happened. His oatmeal just tasted funny.

9.  John Piper blinks over 10,000,000 times a year!

10.  John Calvin never used MasterCard or Visa. He would always pay cash.

Bizarre Things Said in the Pulpit

 

I once heard a pastor of a slowing dying church say, from the pulpit, " If this church is going to grow, it will grow under my ministry and no one else! I will not share this pulpit with anyone!" 

This was his response to a suggestion the week before about having a week long conference, at the church, where four other ministers would take the pulpit, as well as he.

Have you heard anything strange, odd and bizarre come from a pulpit?

If you have please let us know. If a pastor or preacher enters the pulpit unprepared by prayer and humility, the flesh can certainly take over, and often does. 

And please, no vile language. I will delete any statement that I deem inappropriate.

(although, they will probably ALL be inappropriate, you know what I mean...no vulgarity - thanks)

Comic by the Numbers

I don't want to freak anybody out...but, check

the day and the time of this post!

Weird, ain't it?

Arminian Antics #4

I publish these Arminian blog pages here so no one can accuse me of not being fair-minded and benevolent toward by brothers and sisters of another viewpoint.

Strange Facts about Christian Leaders #2

1. Jonathan Edwards had to be taught to walk by his own mother and father!

2. Science has proven that Charles Haddon Spurgeon, the great preacher of the 19th century, would have been a full-blooded Spainiard had both of his parents been of Spanish parentage.

3. William Carey, the father of missions, suffered with a fever at various times in his life.

4. Once R.C. Sproul struck his own finger with a hammer!

5. John MacArthur has been known to blow his nose in a public setting.

6. A.W. Pink, the prolific author and profound teacher of the Doctrines of Grace, in his earlier years, would cry when he was in discomfort or didn't get his way!

7. Augustine, without explanation, would sometimes gaze at the moon for what seemed to be a full minute!

8. Michael Scott Horton used to celebrate Halloween by going door to door in disguise and collecting bags of candy for himself.

9. Although the police never found out, D. Martyn Lloyd-Jones had a reputation for burning "Midnight Oil".

10. B.B. Warfield caused his mother much pain before and during childbirth!

Why not encourage the leaders in your church today with a phone call or e mail. Let them know you appreciate them. Then send them a link to Calvinistic Cartoons. They will either thank you or never speak to you again.

Strange Facts about Christian Leaders

1. Charles Haddon Spurgeon, the Prince of Preachers, lived on nothing but milk for the first few months of his life!

2. Although most of his works printed in America seem to prove otherwise, John Calvin wrote his books, not only by hand, but in the French language!

3. George Whitefield never visited the North Pole.

4. Jonathan Edwards never said the word "Kremlin" in mixed company.

5. Charles Finney had two heads! Yes, that's right! He kept the ugly one under his coat!

6. Neither Augustine or Charles Hodge used steroids!

7. J. I. Packer has never actually walked on the moon!

8. A.W. Pink kept a day by day account of his life that he never told anyone about and has never been found!

9. D. L. Moody, caught up in his fervent evangelistic zeal, was often seen talking to vegetarians.

10. Martin Luther, once on a garlic diet, lost ten pounds and eleven friends during his "Table Talk" sessions.