I only eat pasta, rice, bread and potatoes. I'm a 'carbivore'..
I can eat bacon sandwiches with either hand. I'm hambidextrous.
What moisturizer do bullfighters use? Olay.
Funny..I don't remember being absent-minded.
First rule of Procrastination Club: I'll tell you later....
A pessimist's blood type is b-negative.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.
When does Video get out of prison for the Radio Star murder?
Narcissist Supermarkets only have self-checkouts.
I didn't pay my Syntax, and got a poorly constructed prison sentence.
Nature abhors a vacuum. That's why her house is such a mess.
It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
Which president was least guilty? Lincoln. He is in a cent.
The man who created knock knock jokes deserves a no-bell prize.
I just got hit with a can of soda, luckily it was a soft drink.
I would tell you a pun about pizza, but it’s to cheesy
Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office - I will track you down. You have my Word.