Saturday, May 11, 2013

Random Word Writing Challenge #33

Write as many paragraphs as you like using the words above.
Entries may be poetry, prose, fiction, essays or interviews.
(or any other form of creatively written expression.)
Just be funny, clever and theological...

7 comments:

  1. "Did you give your tithe today at church?"

    "Yes, dear."

    "Did you put the cat out?"

    "Yes, dear."

    "Did you sell your guns today at the gun show?"

    "Yes, honey, except for one."

    "Did you stop by the pharmacy and pick me up some acne medicine?"

    "I did."

    "Then read a short Psalm, turn out the lights and go to bed!"

    "Yes, sugar dumpling."

    ReplyDelete
  2. Introducing U-Bible. U as in You! The only Bible that you can customize yourself. Take out those unwanted verses. Add more in if you want. Change the stories to suit your tastes.

    Embarrassed by the plague on the Philistines in ! Samuel 5&6? No problem! Change it to acne.

    Raise the firepower in David's fight with Goliath by having him pull out a gun instead.

    Love those felines? How about changing Aaron's lines to "I threw it into the fire, and out came this cat."

    Don't like to tithe? Just remove all verses on giving with one click of the mouse.

    Get your's today for only 4 easy installments of $19.95. Operators are standing by.

    (The publishers assume no liability for any Rev. 22:18-19 judgment. Use at your own risk.)

    ReplyDelete
  3. cat tithe guns acne

    The U-Bible: Cat Lover's Edition

    Do you think there should be more cats in the Bible? Tired of that lion in Samson's story being the only one. Jesus himself is called the Lion of Judah. We need more cats.

    What about that story where Rabshakeh threatened Hezekiah and his army? Suppose both sides of the battle had guns. What if Rabshakeh told them that their God told them to turn in their guns just as the other nations' gods had? They would not just have died in their sleep overnight. The cats would have come in and stolen their guns and left mousetraps everywhere.

    What if in 1 Kings 13 when the prophet got eaten by a lion after eating with another prophet that another cat came from Egypt to ruin all his clothes and papers until he grew acne from the smell? We could go miles and miles with the U-Bible Cat edition. 20 extra dollars and we'll throw in prayer cat nip for free.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Omit Q. HollowayMay 12, 2013 at 5:45 AM

      Of course, you can buy this Bible with your missed-last-Sunday tithe.

      Delete

  4. Fundamentalist Preacher Man

    If there's one thing I can't stand
    It's a Fundamentalist preacher man
    He's like acne and like cancer
    He doesn't have no answers
    He's just full of Calvinism and stuff
    Yeah, they make life real rough
    Them preacher men, they make life really rough

    (Chorus)
    Give the tithe,
    These cats they lie,
    They care about guns
    And all that jazz
    But they take away my fun
    I just want to sin a bit
    But they try and take me on a guilt trip

    Calvinist preacher man
    Yeah, I don't understand
    Why he keeps talking 'bout repenting
    And how a Christian's marked by different living
    I think he's so very annoying
    All I want is a little emotional toying
    Them preacher men, they make life really rough

    (Chorus)
    Give the tithe,
    These cats they lie,
    They care about guns
    And all that jazz
    But they take away my fun
    I just want to sin a bit
    But they try and take me on a guilt trip

    He wants me to give money
    I don't think so, honey
    I need a made in communist China flatscreen TV
    It's made by slaves, but that don't concern me,
    I want my football and I want it now
    So pass the football, let's eat some cow
    Them preacher men, they make life really rough

    Yeah, they make life so rough
    I hate their guts and stuff
    I wish they would all just disappear
    Come on, get me out of hear
    I can't bear another Bible verse
    Especially not one that says I can't curse

    (Chorus)
    Give the tithe,
    These cats they lie,
    They care about guns
    And all that jazz
    But they take away my fun
    I just want to sin a bit
    But they try and take me on a guilt trip

    "Did you see that preacher man?"
    Run the other way, I said
    He ain't good for you Uncle Bill, he ain't good
    But he got up and went there, I knew he would
    How he's done and got religious
    He's such a silly pigeon
    Yeah, watch out for Fundamentalist preacher men
    Watch out for Fundamentalist preacher men

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It had to take some time
      To make that rhyme

      Delete
    2. Patrick the PolicemanMay 12, 2013 at 11:52 AM

      Dr. Seuss? Here? What? I need more donuts!

      Delete

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