The N.W.I.A.

Limiting

Stands to Reason...

3 from FB

Posted on my Facebook Page

Too bad Blogger doesn't have likes

Facebook Funny

Facebook Facts

Found it on Facebook...

Off Facebook! For Good!

I got this post from Facebook.

I don't know who originated it but, it will be used for good.

Time to Change

This is what you should hear when mentioned:
Seek His face...Open His Book
(God places reminders all around us)

Superman's Worst Nightmare

The Social Network

Christian's Twitter their Problems

Things I could have said on Facebook but didn't

I only eat pasta, rice, bread and potatoes. I'm a 'carbivore'..

I can eat bacon sandwiches with either hand. I'm hambidextrous.

What moisturizer do bullfighters use? Olay.

Funny..I don't remember being absent-minded.

First rule of Procrastination Club: I'll tell you later....

A pessimist's blood type is b-negative.

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U C L A.

When does Video get out of prison for the Radio Star murder?

Narcissist Supermarkets only have self-checkouts.

I didn't pay my Syntax, and got a poorly constructed prison sentence.

Nature abhors a vacuum. That's why her house is such a mess.

It's raining cats and dogs. Well, as long as it doesn't reindeer.

Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

Which president was least guilty? Lincoln. He is in a cent.

The man who created knock knock jokes deserves a no-bell prize.

I just got hit with a can of soda, luckily it was a soft drink.

I would tell you a pun about pizza, but it’s to cheesy

Dear whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office - I will track you down. You have my Word.

10 Things I would have said on Facebook

How can they give Argo an Oscar? They didn't actually make the film.

You're so vane, You probably think this song is about a device for indicating the direction of the wind.

Actually, you CAN make an omelette without breaking some eggs, but it tastes terrible.

You can find out all about garden furniture on Wickerpedia.

How do you organize a party in space? You planet.

When you dream in color, it's a pigment of your imagination.

Just written a joke about spontaneous human combustion. I'm on fire today.

It was an emotional wedding, even the cake was in tiers.

I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.

A chiropractor's patients must crack under pressure.

A Big Blue FB Delivery

Saw a kidnapping today. Decided not to wake him up though...

Why does a moon-rock taste better than an earth-rock? Because it's a little meteor!

My wife changed after she became a vegetarian...it's like I've never seen herbivore.

What do you do if you're attacked by a group of clowns? Go straight for the juggler.

My wife said she's getting fed up of my constant guitar puns. I told her not to fret.

Dijon vu - the feeling you get when you use the same mustard as before.

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

Velcro. What a rip off.

I stayed up all night wondering where the sun had gone. Then it dawned on me.

I wrote a song about tortilla. Actually it's more of a wrap.

Today my phone died. There will be no reception.

How do you turn soup into gold? You add 24 carrots.

A book just fell on my head. I only have myshelf to blame.

Sleep? There’s a nap for that.

I just can't get enough of stories with female protagonists. I guess you could say I'm a heroine addict.

I know a guy addicted to brake fluid, he says he can stop anytime.

I shot a man in paintball just to watch him dye.

Past, Present and Future walked into a bar. It was tense.

After time traveling I was still hungry, so it went back four seconds.

When I was little my dad would put me in a tire and roll me down a hill for fun. Those were Goodyears.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity, it's impossible to put down!

My recliner and I go way back.

Changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

Experiment in Facebook Colors

Spies who still disguise themselves using newspapers with holes cut out are often behind The Times.

FUN FACT: It's impossible to look cool when using your iPad to take a photo.

Would you mind repeating the part where you weren't talking?

For breakfast, 3 bowls of porridge is the bear minimum.

Haunted French pancake shops still give me the crêpes.

You don't see many ninjas these days. Which only means they're getting better.

Got a new turtleneck sweater. It's really comfortable, but sad that all those turtles had to die.

I've owned 3 Golden Retriever's and not once has one of them brought me any gold.

The recipe said "Set the oven to 180 degrees," so I did, but now I can't open it because the door faces the wall.

I had a dream that I watched Inception, and now I'm really confused.

I've been moonlighting as a Werewolf.

Apparently, California has the highest rate of Adultery and Depression. It's a sad State of affairs.

Experiment in Facebook Brown

It's National Libraries Day - keep it quiet.

At the start of the film, Matt Damon doesn't even know he's Bourne.

My wife told me to stop pretending to be a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.

I keep forgetting which meat I've eaten. Must be Spamnesia.

My motto is "Never say never". Thus instantly breaking my own rule.

Life must be unbearable for closet Claustrophobes.

My friend has left Facebook. We haven't seen the likes of him since.

Guess I'd forgotten how to throw a boomerang...wait!...it's coming back to me now

Twitter: The Movie. It's like The Social Network, but with fewer characters.

Sitting in the park without food and drink can be tough. It's certainly no picnic.

My wife wants me to play Monopoly even though some of the cards are missing. There's no Chance!

What has four legs, is green on top, and if it fell on you from a tree would kill you? ...a pool table.

Experiment in Facebook Purple

The inventor of the ballet skirt was struggling for a name, until he finally put tu and tu together.

"You Tolkien to me?!" - Hobbit de Niro.

If it looks like a duck, swims like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it probably is a shape-shifting alien who is on a mission of destruction.

I still whisper "We're in" to myself whenever I log onto a wifi network.

I'm often asked what makes a good tongue-twister. Well, it's hard to say.

Had Laser Eye Surgery yesterday, and I've already set fire to our sofa and a water tower in Kuwait.

The Weight Watchers website requires you to have cookies disabled.

If Hitchcock had made The Hobbit, it would have been called "Dial M for Mordor".

The best thing about telepathy is...I know, right?

The cloning experiment was a complete success. I'm beside myself.

There is not a day that goes by when I cannot look into someone's eyes and say in French, "Les Miserables...(pause for effect)...Les Miserables".

I hope someone reviewing "The Life of Pi" gives it 3.14 stars.

Experiment in Facebook Yellow

They say you should test your fire alarm once a month. I try but it's costing me a fortune in houses.

My GPS keeps saying, "Go home and study the Bible."

579s84a831f9e94t67y89304. There is safety in numbers.

Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it's time and getting to know each one of us personally.

If a man said he'll fix it, he will. There is no need to remind him every 6 months about it.

You say you want to bring me back to reality. You're assuming I've been there before.

If my memory gets any worse I'll be able to plan my own surprise party.

It's nice that humans have the ability to recharge wirelessly.

The film 'Flight' seems to be a Pilot episode.

At the stroke of midnight, Beulah Rae wept softly, cradling the sour cream as it expired.

Somewhere between the blah blah blah and the yadda yadda, you've got a point there.

It's all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.