Things Said on My Own Facebook Page (Purple Edition)

I'm 0 for 145 at pulling random books on people's bookcases and having it lead to a secret passageway.

Just had my yearly checkup at the Green Cross... Turns out I'm colorblind!!

I was playing my air guitar and accidentally woke up a mime.

Balloon animal stew tastes like rubber chicken.

Cereal is like pet food for humans.

If you wake up feeling funny, you should call in shtick.

I think my computer has a virus. Pretty sure it's about to toss it's cookies.

To err is hunam.

I remember that Paul McCartney song like it was Yesterday.

That awkward moment when a Zombie is looking for brains and it walks right past you.

I may not be the smartest guy in the room, but I’m not the best looking either. Not sure where I was going with this.

All my friends keep telling me to never succumb to peer pressure. So I'm going to take their advice and not listen to them.