I have a black eye in karate.
A paper cut is a tree's last revenge.
I stop my microwave at 0:01 to feel like I'm a bomb defuser.
I'm waiting for Congress to declare chocolate a vegetable. It comes from a plant.
Popcorn is probably my favorite food that explodes before you eat it.
I never win at Scrable.
I have costraphobia, the fear high prices.
The barman says "we don't serve time travellers here". A time traveller walks into a bar.
Hey, to whoever invented the zero: Thanks for nothing.
The "check engine" light came on, so I did. Yep. Still there.
"I" before "e" except after "Old MacDonald had a farm"
High-wire artists hate it when their cable goes out.
I read an actual newspaper today! For those of you who don't understand, a newspaper is like the Internet but made of paper.
I don't just have issues. I have a subscription.
When food falls on the floor, the Little Germs scream "Let's get it!" while the Mama Germ says "No, we must wait five seconds."
I used to wonder what it was like to read people's minds But now that I have a Facebook account I'm over it
I always thought by 2013 we would have flying cars. Instead, we have Angry Bird iPhone cases.
How long do you have to work at KFC before they make you a colonel?
My brain is like a clown car for crazy ideas.