Falling in love is like riding a bike. There's always a chance you might get run over.
The worst part about sharing a name with someone famous is I'm always telling people, no, I'm not THAT Batman.
I'm more confused than a circular pizza in a square box, cut into triangular slices.
I think that we can all agree that the best way to load the dishwasher is the way you do it.
Forgetful? Can't remember where you put things? There's an app for that, somewhere...
I only rap caucasianally.
Yawning is your body's way of saying 20% of battery remaining.
True or false: Jeremy Irons.
Some old people are driving vehicles right now and don't even know it.
I ordered a wake-up call the other day. The phone rang and John Piper said, "Don't waste your life, Eddie!"
When someone texts 'ROFL' I always imagine Scooby-Doo trying to say 'waffle'.
I'm ready to replace Congress with the Jedi Council.