Saturday, May 30, 2009

Two Angry Men Write What's Wrong

Well, some may have noticed that two followers of Calvinistic Cartoons have ripped up their membership cards and left. Usually, I never know why...but, this time both of these men wrote me to tell me what was wrong and why they left. I appreciate that. The first letter is from Bosco Levene of Splattertown, Missouri. The second letter is from Tahoe McFern of Bladderville, New Mexico:

Dear Mr. Eddings,

I have entered your Caption Contests over and over again and YOU deleted my entries. All my friends and family said I should sue you because it is clear that my jokes are worthy of awards.

My first entry was for Contest # 14...the one where the dude is shielding the woman from another dude. Here is my caption:

"Get away from here, madman! I don't subscribe to your newspaper and I never will. So go far from the farm or I will kill you! I mean it now! GO!"

The second time I entered, I posted this caption (for Contest #15 - the one with the singing and the playing and the hat and the lady):

"I will kill you for singing off key! I really mean it! Don't make me get up from this piano bench and prove it...ya low-down, flea-bitten hobo of a man!"

The third one was for Contest #16...the one with the man on the floor and one of the other men is holding a whip:

"Take back what you said about my expensive clothes or I will kill you! I mean it! Here, take this! And this! Now, will you apologize for your insolence? No? Okay, some more lashes from my whip!"

It's apparent to me you are one-sided, two-dimensional, and flat-footed! I leave and I will never return! I mean it! I'm not lying! ...oh, yeah, you are also a lousy speller!

Your cousin,

Dear Pea-Brain,

I joined your blog not knowing what a Calvinist was. As I read your attempts at humor, it suddenly dawned on me that you were serious about all this TULIP stuff! I am leaving because you attack other beliefs as well as your own...which proves to me you are insane! And your last posting was about WINE! ...also, Merlot looks a lot like "Merlin" who was a wizard! Are you condoning magic, witchcraft and drinking alcohol? Well, you "broke the straw" on the camel's back when you made fun of the Pope! What has he ever done to YOU?! I hope you drink milk that has gone sour! And then, bite into a donut that has ants crawling all over the insides. I am leaving and will create my OWN blog where no one says anything negative! I will call it..."A Blog for Those Who Have No Computers". And if I ever become king of England, I will have you banished to Rhode Island!


  1. Wow. Tough crowd. Must have had a funnybonectomy.

  2. If it is any consolation Jesus had trouble with his relatives also. You can't please everycousin.
    It is always darkest before the calm.
    You just wait until the shoe drops.

    If I think of anymore, you will know. And just remember, we have never met, but I like you.

  3. I dunno Eddings, he's got a point... those WERE pretty awesome comments.

  4. May be toasters are over-rated?

    Bosco need to boss someone else...At least Eddie isn't partial to cousins with whips!!!

    Of course I was wondering about my own toaster...or do I get toasted as in toast masters?? Or if you're lame in commenting like the Tahoe you get toasted by the other fans??

  5. The missing funny bone in people is exactly why I will not publish humor on my site anymore.
    And this is sad, because God has a sense of humor.


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