Monday, September 26, 2011

What Ever Happened to...Cult Leader Labna Merkinson?

Please click to enlarge...please, please, please.

Many of you readers out there have asked me "What ever happened to Labna Merkinson?"

 If you remember correctly, he was the cult leader who had all his congregation dress in Spartan costume. He made the headlines in the summer of 1991 when he declared himself king of the Western Hemisphere. His militarist reaction to the Home Owners Association of Bayfield landed him in jail more than once.

His teachings were considered insane by half his congregation...but, they loved his spirit, so they stayed because the music was good. Here are some of his writings as the cult leader known as "Zeus Junior":

Each member of the Church of the Ancients will carve their own headstone to be displayed at the front of the church.

Each male member of the Church of the Ancients will jump from Bayfield bridge in the winter to prove his courage.

Songs are to be sung backwards to reveal any hidden messages from Heaven.

No right turns on red. If anyone beeps their horn in anger, then you have the Spartan right to hurl your shield into their front bumper. He who hurls his shield into the rear bumper will be fined half a days salary.

Any money found on the ground, anywhere, will be considered property of the Church of the Ancients.

For many years, Labna Merkinson held services in the underground sewer system. In 2010, Labna was visited by Joel Osteen in a jail cell outside of Topeka. After monetary arrangements were made, and a contract signed, Labna Merkinson became groundskeeper for the Joel Osteen mansion.  


  1. How is Baklava Koos Koos these days? You think he could help this situation?

  2. I do not recall Baklava Koos Koos ever doing such a great job on any lawn, ever. I mean really you should see my front yard. He was no help at all, ever.

    ugg I keep forgetting to sign out of my wife's blog thingy... BKK has never reminded me.

  3. Thanks to Labna, Joel has his best yard now.

  4. It's good to see that Joel Osteen is giving someone their "Best Life Now."

  5. ...and all it took was a big bundle of cash.

  6. Wow Eddie you spent some time on this one! Labna's nose hairs are amazing! Btw...I live about 20 minutes from Topeka...AND I MISSED A MEETING WITH JOEL OSTEEN???? Rats. :)

  7. Nose hairs?
    2X mag? Nothing.
    4X mag? More like nose pixels ; )


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