I can't see your speck! Can you see my plank? No! I have a speck in my eye! What shall we do?
Listen to me, Margaret. I have been in a coma for months... did I miss the Rick Warren not-about-Easter Easter show starring the Jonas Brothers? Look into my eyes! Tell me the TRUTH!
Betty, I've heard the rumors. They said someone saw you reading Calvin's Institutes in the church balcony during the Finney Free Will Festival. I refused to believe what those spiteful old cats were saying about you. But I found it. I found that dreadful book hiding under the mattress.Don't pretend anymore. Tell me once and for all, have you become a CALVINIST?!!
Was it you cut the hole in my shirt to make a hat? And then you wear it to church!!
"John, I've seen that look on your face before. Are we switching to another church again?!"
Trust me, Margaret. If I had known my stand-up comedy night job would interfere with medical school, I would have quit long ago. I must admit that had I administered an antedote instead of an anecdote, your father would have lived...
God loves you and has a plan for your life!!!!
"You've been reading Beth Moore again, haven't you?"
"I told you to get your own eyeliner and leave my guy-liner alone!"
Wait... Are you telling me that I'm the only one in this house who can make the coffee? Because Hebrews?