"Darling, you and I are predestined to be together. I even consulted the crystal ball to make sure!"
Girl: “…I thought “Sorcerers Get Stoned” was a themed event.”Guy: “So those were Baptists.”
Today in emergent gimmicks: Rev. Rochester tries to consult God through a crystal ball and drags in Jane Eyre. This later on inspires Sarah Young.
It's not all predestined, that's why I can't tell the future. We do have free will, and I'm outta business, toots.
"I knew this hat would scare off Calvinists, but I didn't know it attracted Arminian women."
"Yes, it's true, underneath this hat, my head is as bald as Josh Harris"
Yeah, I know, bad joke. I like Josh Harris, by the way.
Matilda had high hopes for the relationship, but it was not meant to be. She could live with his supralapsarianism, but Reginald's controversial view on head covering was the straw that broke the camel's back.
As pastor of the Magic 8 Ball Church of Kissemmee, Florida, Boon Gotley likes to comfort members who have lost a pet, or broken a nail.
Dear Don't fret, I assure you that the best way to smuggle out the baby blanket of Turin is in pain site.
"Theodore, I think the pastor said urban missional..."
"To quote Genesis, 'Wot ye not that such a man as I can certainly divine?' ""Well, Mister Wot Ye Not, you can just divine that runner back onto the dining room table. The Jacobsons are coming over for dinner tonight."
Big, for real LOL Stranger!
Oh great Carnac the Magnificent why did you throw out all of the mayonnaise just so you could bury some silly 'ol hermetically sealed envelopes in it?
Newlywed Pat Robertson makes his first married mistake, "I have a word of knowledge, my dear, that you will be doing a great deal of housekeeping & cooking during our marriage."
Having lost his hands in a freak quilting bee accident Fred Freeofingers was forced to practice phrenology with his mouth.
Ergun Caner: "I'm tired of everyone saying that I've never been called a towelhead. Well, I'm leaving this thing on until it happens! Then those darn Calvinist bloggers will let it drop."