Prepare to meet your Maker, Buddy! And just remember ONE thing! You ain't got a choice! Uh, chance?
"Catechise my kids, will ya!"
When the church usher is a control freak"Tighten up that necktie brother, and button your jacket. Where is your head-covering, sister?"
Alright Jimmy this can go easy or hard. but you know we need church growth and your little friend there is gonna answer the alter call!
Man on wall: For the millionth time, I'm not the masked Arminian. I chose the ways of Calvin.Gun: You were predestined for Calvinism. Either way, you can't just choose what you can't choose just to escape my bullet.
"If it's the woman and me that you are looking for, take us. Leave the wall alone."
Don't worry dear I filled my pockets with those free Message Bibles in the in the foyer, they may be good for something after all?
@Stranger:"Leave the wall alone"bwahahaha!
Do you have a chapter and verse for that?
Chose! Before I count to fiv--er, three!
Gunman: "All that talk about yer 'cannons of Dort', but I don't see any of yer cannons helping you out now!" Suit: "I knew there would probably be remonstrations for that talk I gave, but I was expecting to face the views of Smyth or Wesley not some guy with a Smith & Wesson!"
(Continuation of Anonymous' scenario:)Suit: And you are wrong about the Canons of Dort not helping me out now, my fiend. The Fifth head of Doctrine, Article eleven, assures me that the "Father of all consolation" will "make the way of escape" and...Hey! Look over there! Isn't that Rod Parsley?!Gunman looks "over there" as the man and woman escape to safetyGunman: I don't see no Rod Pars...HEYYY! Where'd they go?...(pause)..I can't BELIEVE he memorized the cannons of dort. Must be Dutch Reformed.
In an effort to curb church hopping Pastor Johnson started demanding all new members be baptized.Fred and Wilma had enough of that though, insisting that Pastor Johnson himself had baptized them when they were members of Third Baptist Church 80, 83, 88, 94,96, and 2000.
Deacon collecting tithes...at Creflo Dollar's church