Son: But Dad, the man promised if I gave him the $1,000, God would bless us. I even got this free picture of him to hang over my bed. He said all I gotta do is wait, and God would bless me in His time.Son, why does this sound just like the plot to Jack and the Bean Stalk? That was our last $1,000, and we needed food! Now throw that thing out the window!
"Look, Cliff, how long ya been workin' for this paper? Seven years now? You know we don't print any photos of Arminians! We keep it clean and we keep it Calvinist....by the way, did you see the Eddings cartoon on page Q8?"
@Spherical - good one!
"Yeah, this is him, boss. He just yelled 'Get that camera outa my face, you Calvinist paparazzi. You work for Eddings, doncha'. "I don't know this 'Eddings' guy from Adam. And, what is a Calvinist, anyway? I was just trying to get a picture of some dame wearing a Christmas tree outfit."
This man has been in my lawn holding up a John 3:16 sign all day. He says he's occupying the lawns of young whipper-snappers who won't get off his lawn. Thought he'd convert them instead of yelling at them.
"You see? I even pulled this page out of my Scofield study Bible as proof...they did use maracas in the Old Testament."
@ John ShearhartThere was an illustrated Scofield Reference Bible??!! I feel so deprived. All mine had was notes about end times that were so confounded confusing that it had me looking in the newspapers for the second coming of Nebuchadnezzar.
I tell you, Pastor, if we have this guy come do a rivival here, we'd have hundreds of people come foward to pray the prayer. We need this or else the church down the street will beat us out.
@StrangerYes, it's a little known fact that the Scofield team paired up with Disney to publish an illustrated reference Bible. To help boost sales, it even came with some coupons to Disney Land.Unfortunately they only printed a few hundred copies before someone dropped an odd looking grenade on the press.Also, I understand that few of the coupons were ever used since most of the people who bought the book get enough entertainment on a weekly basis already.
I forgot to sign up to receive e-mails for follow up comments, and I don't know how else to do it without posting another comment...sorry you had to waste five seconds reading this!
"Now, back before we had the Romans 9 Hand Grenade, we had to use the Romans 8 Stick Grenade."
See this Fuller guy here in this picture? He's using brushes to push new missionary methods. I tell ya he's gonna destroy the Lord's method for evangelism with his new-fangled approach!
See! I caught him on film. He's leading silly woman captive. We gotta stop this Fuller!