I'd like to invite you folks to the Saint John the Revelator Apostolic Assembly Full Gospel Missionary Spiritual Israel and its Macedonian First Born Bible House of Deliverance and Alpha and Omega Agape Fellowship Cathedral Tabernacle of the Touch Not My Anointed International Evangelistic Center for Family Life and Outreach Church of God...but, the church building is being renovated right now, so we are just meeting at my house this evening at six.
Ya know, Rev. Smith, they were wrong 'bout you 'n' the missus, down thar at First Reformed Baptist Free Church of Christ the Nazarene. You do know beans.
"Aunt Lisnen, Nigel, I'm glad I found y'all here. There's a new pastor of the Grace Baptist Church here in town, and I hear he's a Calvinist. If you donate $7000 to my new Bobo Laughface Free Will Ministries, I'll get rid of him for you. I can run him out of town and he won't be able to do anything about it."
And he were throwin' Tulip seeds all over maw daisy patch!
ReplyDelete.....Mark me, he'll be at your place tonight!
"I appreciate the basket fulla nice, home-cooked food, but sending a pamphlet with Romans 9 on it along was a bit much."
ReplyDeleteREPENT!
ReplyDelete[modification of first caption]
ReplyDeleteThere wuz this feller dressed in a green barrel with Romans 9 on it.....
And he were throwin' Tulip seeds all over maw daisy patch!
.....Mark me, he'll be at your place tonight!
You only got 30-fold? Pah, I fertilized and got 100-fold!
ReplyDelete"Hey, y'all, services is about to start; the parson's preaching on Romans nine. Y'all coming?"
ReplyDeleteI'd like to invite you folks to the Saint John the Revelator Apostolic Assembly Full Gospel Missionary Spiritual Israel and its Macedonian First Born Bible House of Deliverance and Alpha and Omega Agape Fellowship Cathedral Tabernacle of the Touch Not My Anointed International Evangelistic Center for Family Life and Outreach Church of God...but, the church building is being renovated right now, so we are just meeting at my house this evening at six.
ReplyDeleteHahahahaha!!!!
ReplyDeleteYa know, Rev. Smith, they were wrong 'bout you 'n' the missus, down thar at First Reformed Baptist Free Church of Christ the Nazarene. You do know beans.
ReplyDelete"... and that's why Amyraldism is just plain hogworsh."
ReplyDeleteMorning Tom, Emma Jean. ya know the word around town is that you have been sowing a lot of seeds with Joel Osteen? well looks like it is paying off.
ReplyDelete"Aunt Lisnen, Nigel, I'm glad I found y'all here. There's a new pastor of the Grace Baptist Church here in town, and I hear he's a Calvinist. If you donate $7000 to my new Bobo Laughface Free Will Ministries, I'll get rid of him for you. I can run him out of town and he won't be able to do anything about it."
ReplyDelete"Now imagine what kinda better harvest you woulda had if y'all went to the super soul-winnin' meetin' ever' day? God's a-judgin' ya, I tell ya."
ReplyDeleteThat's mine.
Did I ever tell y'all 'bout the time the four horsemen of the Apocalypse came ridin' through here?
ReplyDeleteNot fair Eddie....
ReplyDelete"Actually Ethel, it's not the apron that makes you look fat, it's all those cakes and pies you eat that's doin' it..."
ReplyDeleteHarold had the gift of brutal honesty.
Congrats to everyone. I enjoyed all of the submissions. Everyone receives honorable mention and a coupon for a free turnip milkshake at Arby's.
ReplyDeleteConstitution girl wins the top prize of 400,000,000 Zimbabwe dollars (Equivalent to $0.68 in American). Your check is in the mail...
Thank you very much, Mr. Truthinator, but I'd rather have the milkshake, if you please. :D Lol!
ReplyDeleteCongratulations, CG!
ReplyDelete