Man holding woman's arm: Here she is, your honor. I caught her red-handed. She was diggin' through the file cabinet in the records room.'Attorney (Stewart): Way, way, way, wait a minute, your honor. My, my, my client is innocent. She is an Arminian and she was lookin' for her sa, sa, salvation. She thought she might have lost it there in the file cabinet, your honor."Judge: Someone read the book of Romans to this lady...
Better yet...Judge: I'm throwing the book at you, Lady. The Book of Romans that is...
Man sitting down: So, you're Reformed, eh? Johnson, take her away; use the ol' John 3:16 trickeroo on 'er. I'd like to deal with this rascal meself...
Guy on Phone: Hey Bill, that lady that owns the store down the street, says her name is Ima Calvinist. She's got her lawyer and a cop with her, says I'm violating her rights by using my freewill not to shop there. Can she do that?"
Man on phone: Yeah, we caught another one of them reformed types. Yeah, this one's prettier than the last one. Don't worry sir, Arminianville will be just fine...heh heh heh." Woman: "I pray that God would convert you sir!" Other guy: "Choose to be quiet!" Woman: "I'd like my one phone call, my husband can read Romans to you..."
Man on telephone:"Mr. Finney, security nabbed a couple trying to sneak into your blog. They're both armed. The man has bunch of books by those wise-guys Eddings, Cardwell, and Peterson, and I think the dame is packing a pair of Romans 9 hand grenades in her sleeves."
Good stuff. ;-)
Jimmy: Ah, darn it. I'm just a servant of Abraham.Bossman: We'll just ask the lady for ourself. It's not as if she has been given a choice, you know?
Yeah, I was all excited when I saw Jimmy Stewart, got all primed to write something funny...then I read the very first comment by truthinator..."She was lookin' for her sa, sa, salvation..." BAHAAA!!
Ahh - Jimmy Stewart. He's up at the top of my list of all-time great actors... right after David, given that stunt he pulled at Gath. So how can we honor brother Jimmy here? Although, I must say, there's no beating the truthinator's lead on this one. Too funny!Chief: I thought I heard you say that it can't be done without the will of the people.Stewart: Oh, that was just my lines in a movie. I'm Presbyterian. Say, what are you doing with Betty there? We have Bible study to go to.Chief: I'm an Arminian and you two Calvinists aren't going anywhere until you believe that you can choose for yourselves.
@Persis: That was great!
Because she'd been to Bible College and was the pastor's wife Amy Meanian thought she should be an elder. Even a phone call from her mother explaining that she was not "the husband of one wife" seemed to fail to deter her.
An Early Experiment in Courtship Goes Tragically AwryGirl: You certainly have made a mess of things, Father. When I kissed dating goodbye and asked you for a chaperon to accompany me on an outing with Stuart, I didn't think you would send along one of your men from the department! And I didn't think he would drag us into the Chief's office just for getting a milkshake with two straws! [starts sobbing]Stuart: I'm real sorry, Mr. Harrison ...Girl: Now I'm going to have to kiss courtship goodbye and just become an old maid! [storms out of the room crying, with Stuart the suitor running after]Police Chief: [hangs up the phone] What was that all about?
Lady: I don't care who you call or what you do. I simply will NOT sign up for your new believers class.