Dr. Leroy Q. Mints
Pictured above is the man who started "The Mark of the Candy Cane" Cult in 1956. This quack left his medical career and Toastmaster friends and began a religion based on the assumption that Cain's forehead was marked with a candy cane with a bow, and that Cain opened the very first candy cane shop in the land of Nod.
All who follow Leroy and his teachings wear a temporary tattoo on their foreheads like the one seen above.
Hell, according to Mints, is not a place of eternal torment, as traditional Christianity maintains.
"Hell will be a place where all food has gone beyond its expiration date and roaches are the size of a compact car with a hubcap missing."
"Heaven will be a place where everyone will have an invisible airplane...just like Wonder Woman! And we will be able to eat metal."
"Baptism should be done in jello," he often stated, "because it's a lot easier to get back up!"
"Our belief is that Cain is still alive and is working at a Hi-Lo Auto Supply somewhere in Fresno."
"We also believe that Jay Leno is the Anti-Christ."
His adherents referred to him as "Poppa Mints" and ate only candy canes made from sweet beets or unidentified meat products that have high sodium, fat and nitrite content.
Leroy and his followers could be seen gathering at gas stations across the United States where Dr. Mints would preach and throw candy canes at the elderly.
He was struck by lightning on April 3, 1957 while jumping on a set of whitewalls at an old Texaco station in Saginaw, Texas.
Mints was buried in a red and white, candy cane-shaped cardboard coffin behind a malt shop in Utah two days later.
All fifteen of his followers are now working for Blitz Power Mints in Maryland, and are frequently seen line dancing at Vernon Lee's Prime Rib Junction.
Dr. Mints body was exhumed two months later and tested for traces of nicotine, then reburied in the Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band Cemetary in Poughkeepsie.
Hilarious! I'm looking forward to this series.
ReplyDeleteThese are the guys who make those 'testamints', right?
ReplyDeletehttp://remissioned.com/2010/03/09/will-ferrell-or-will-farel/
ReplyDeleteThis would go good for the reformed/deformed thinkers.
L.Q. Mints was the perpetrator of the infamous "Candy Cane Mythology" that sometimes surrounds Christmas traditions.
ReplyDeleteHe incorporated several symbols of his cult into its design.
First, the color white symbolizes the heavenly airplanes we will have there in the white clouds.
Next, he added three small stripes to symbolize the "Cain Hi Lo" or secret code for where the 2nd son of Adam is hiding out to this day!
If you turn the candy cane upside down, it becomes the letter J symbolizing the first letter in the AntiChrist's first name.
Some adherents also secretly patented Dr. Mint's design so they could endow their line dancing lifstyle's in perpetuity!
Thanks for the additional info SamWise. The upside down candy cane escaped me at the time, but now I see the clue it contains. (even the "J" and "Jay" makes more sense now)
ReplyDeleteWhen are we seeing another "forgotten cults" post?
ReplyDelete