The Journal of Cotton Adams #11

May 22, 1739

I rode my horse, Calico, to the neighboring village of Dunder, Missouri, which is about ten miles from Mifflin. I heard of a pastor by the name of Cotton Patches, who after reading one of my tracts, formed a group called the A.C.L.U. (Anti-Calvinist Literature Union) Upon further investigation, I found out he was also president of C.H.O.I.C.E (Christians Have Omnipotence In Canceling Election) I plan on listening to one of his sermons and introducing myself, in hopes of a meaningful conversation. I fear he has a multiplicity of misinformation that needs correcting.
The following is a small portion of what was preached:

"…dear brothers and sisters, do you really think this doctrine could be true?! Do you really believe that everything is predestined?! Do you actually feel that my being here today was determined before the foundation of the world?? I say to thee, nay…NAY!! I just decided to preach on this subject thirty minutes ago!
…and that mud clod that just hit me in the shoulder…can you honestly say it was predestined? …and that small rock that bounced off my head…and those tomatoes that are being hurled in my direction…and that dead cat some wag has just sent flying my way…YOU SEE! I shouldn't have been in here in the first place!"

With that he jumped on his horse and rode off in a zig-zag fashion. I never got to converse with him. Maybe that day will come soon. Lord willing.