Tuesday, March 3, 2009

A Letter to Non-Calvinists

Dear Arminian friends,
Please don't take offense at the humor on this blog. If you are Christian, you are my brothers and/or sisters and we should be able to share a laugh together once in a while. If there were an Arminian cartoon blog in existence, I would certainly read it from time to time. But, to my knowledge, none exists! I even have a pretty good working title: "Arminian Antics". Okay, maybe not so good…the point is, you need to lighten up a little and enjoy life. I joke about every denomination here including my own. I use humor to poke fun at both Arminians and Calvinists and every degree in between. I don't expect everyone to agree with me 100%. But, please, take the time to understand what I am trying to do here.

I received the following letter from an Arminian pastor, Rev. Ion Plink, minister of the Church of the Coconut Grove in Fresno:

Mr. Eddings,
I urge you to use that free will God gave you and oppose your own postings. Jimmy Swaggart once said that Calvinistic Cartoons was one of the signs of the coming of Armageddon. I am concerned about your narrow scope and your trivial pursuit of the "hee hee ha ha's" as brother Hinn used to say.

Your thoughtless rantings and ravings have reached the nostils of God and He just might make you lose your salvation. I, myself, know that I can pray and it will be so. I have some of the keys of the kingdom in my coat pocket upstairs and believe me…I know how to use them!
Let me put it bluntly, if you continue to cause division in the sheepfold, I will pray you into either a local hospital or have you trapped inside a cave at Six Flags Over Texas. Your choice.

A man of Charismata and conviction,
Rev. Ion Plink

Now I ask you readers, is this truly a "Christian" attitude? Where is the love I ask ya? This is "sloppy agape" to say the least! He has said he will never read my blog again but, I can track who does…and he reads it every single day. Sounds a little hypocritical to me. This charismatic preacher sent me a box of plastic tongues two days later, with a note that read, "this is the only "gift of tongues" you'll ever get!"
That wouldn't be so bad if he had not sent a large box the very next day with 40 crushed tulips and a note that said, "These smashed tulips are for a sign unto thee…if I see you peeking in our church window or trying to walk through the front door…I will smash YOUR two lips brother man!"
I know there must be some non-Calvinists, some inconsistant Calvinists, some 4 or 3 point Arminians out there who would join our group. I beseech you, band with us and make this world a better place. A place where wee Calvinists can play their bagpipes freely and wee Arminians can laugh with joy whenever an EvangeCube bounces off their noggin. The birds will sing again and butterflies will form colorful words in the sky. Words of friendship and peace. Words of wisdom. In a language nobody can read.

I thank you.


  1. Heart-warming christian charity.Thankyou Eddie. It's a pity those miserable, stubborn, pigheaded Arminian oafs wouldn't respond with similar grace.

  2. That note is so far out I don't even believe it. You must be being sarcastic. I want to live in a fantasy world and believe that nobody actually thinks they can pray someone into a hospital, let alone a "Christian" who would desire to do so... and quoting Swaggart and Hinn doesn't help your case. I think God despises false teachers who trample the blood of His son more than cartoons, good or bad.

  3. It was all an attempt at being funny. I agree with your assessment though...and btw, I like your "Bad Advice for Arminians" on your own blog!


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