CC: How did you gentlemen like the conference?
Ralph: I liked the first ten minutes. That's when I ran out of popcorn. I tried to locate a microwave so I could pop another bag but couldn't find one anywhere.
Clem: My spirit forced me to fall asleep during the first hour. My body was in on it too. You can't argue with your physical and spiritual when your eyes are heavy.
CC: You two were escorted out of the building today. Could you explain why?
Ralph: I was practicing my freedom of choice by lighting up a Winston. They didn't like that very much. I told them that where there's smoke there's strange fire. ha ha...get it? It's a joke, man. Anyhoot, they grieved my spirit and told me I was welcome as long as I didn't bring in the cigarettes. What has the world come to? Smoking has been in my family for years. Why the Pope himself is voted in by smoke...and camels are mentioned in the Bible!
CC: What about you Clem? What did you do?
Clem: Seems like they don't shine to me interrupting the guest speakers. I had visions I felt needed to be heard. Heavenly visions. Visions with lots of special effects. I hope they include some of my revelations in the John MacArthur book. I had to text Phil Johnson about my last vision 'cause he wouldn't give me the time of day.
CC: Phil Johnson wouldn't give you the time of day?
Clem: Well, he left his watch at home.
CC: Would you mind sharing one of your so-called Heavenly visions?
Clem: Sure thing, brother, One of the visions I had was of a polar bear jumping on a trampoline. This bear was glowing green and white and was singing a new song. A song of unity. A song of love.
CC: That's it?
Clem: That's it! Don't you see? The polar bear symbolizes the cold doctrine of truth without compromise...and maybe the bear is bi-polar too...I dunno...the trampoline means that it's repeated throughout the conference. Glowing green and white is all about envy and purity. The new song is available for free. I wrote it a few weeks ago. I'll be giving them out from the trunk of my car in the parking lot in just a few minutes.
CC: Ralph, would you mind not blowing that smoke in my face?
Ralph: It's holy smoke, my brother. It will ward off diseases. You will be able to be at rest in Zion and you will FEEL the HEAL in your life after I take a few more drags. It's my gift.
CC: Got to go guys, the bus is here. Thanks. Maybe we can continue this interview another time.
Ralph and Clem: We'll be here! We've camped out in the parking lot for the next two months!