Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Mail Bag

Maybe it shouldn't bother me but, when a follower just disappears, it makes you wonder...Did I offend by my satire? I joke about Calvinists just as much as I joke about Arminians…Calminians just as much as Arsonists…I search my blog daily for any added comments or new "members". I realize that I've got a long bloggin' journey ahead of me and some speed bumps and metaphorical flattened skunks are inevitable so I try to encourage myself by reading Christian valentines. When I receive letters like the one below, it makes me wonder how many readers have a healthly sense of humor:

Dear Eddie (Calvinist-Schmalvinist) Eddings,
Why do you always attack non-Calvinists?! Why can't you show more Christian love you freak-faced moron! You are always quoting Spurgeon or Pink or some pea-brain, pin-headed theologian like John Calvin! Did you know he may have been a serial killer? My pastor, the right Reverend Che Che Davis, said so…and he knows his Bible! You don't even know Basic Christianity 101 if you joke about other opinions. Love is all you need you stupid troll. Doctrine has never pulled a man out of a burning car or made gravy for chicken fried steak and mashed potatoes! Doctrine has never given me anything I wanted for Christmas. Fact is, our church has no doctrine to speak of…and we get along just fine! This Sunday, our other pastor, Rev Bev Muchaka, is singing her sermon on money and doing an interpretive dance on the fall of the economy. Which brings me to my question for you: Why don't you use more Arminian verses from the Bible?
Ludloe Harkensnootle

Dear Ludloe,
There are no Arminian verses in the Bible.


  1. Eddie,
    I got a letter like that once. Was it you? Please tell me it was you.

  2. Sounds alot like what a Southern Baptist Calvinist pastor hears each Sunday at 12:01pm. They always seem to miss the evening services. Could it be something I said?

  3. Ludloe

    You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.

    The method of assimilating individual lifeforms into the collective has been represented differently over time…infant forms are drawn through the waters and quickly adapt…adult forms are broken in stages and finally the individual is taken away for complete assimilation…the individual has all traces of individuality removed and implants are attached to the new drone in order for the drone to fulfill it's new role in the collective.

    You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile.

  4. No Ralph, I didn't write the letter you received. And thanks, theologian, it's good to have a body...or a soul guard like you!


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