A Letter from Placebo Belkins

This package came in from the U.S. yesterday from a Dr. Placebo Belkins. Included in the envelope were some DVD's of Belkins lecturing at Yale. (not the university - the Yale Lock and Hardware Company) Here is part of the three page letter sent:

Dear Mr. Eddings,

I hope this letter finds you in good health. I am interested in becoming a writer for your blog. As you can see by the printed copies of my certifications, I am more than qualified to direct your funny little blog into a more focused theological one. I hear you are leaving for the States this summer. I would like to suggest you hire me for the three months in which you'll be traveling. I happen to know you will be visiting Houston, Dallas, Durango and London, England.

I am willing to work for half my normal fee of $200 a day. I promise more readers, more followers, more comments, more pizzazz and more solid content. It's easy to see your days are numbered. You can't keep this up forever. Take a mental vacation and let me take over the writing for the months of June, July and August. You won't be sorry.

Waiting for your response,

Dr. Placebo Belkins

P.S. There is no tracking device in this envelope.

When I finished reading the letter, I began to put everything back in the large envelope. That's when I noticed...inside the package - glued to the bottom - was a tracking device with the initials N.P. written on the top. The only N.P. I know of, besides Natalie Portman, is Nigel Pettibone! This was a trap! I have destroyed the package and it's contents. Hope it wasn't too late.