It probably needs a lot of sugar to get it down they your teeth will rot which is why Finny never smiled.
And heretical, too!
If he had said, "Our coffee will put hair on your face." He might get more traffic.
I think they would more so boast how perfect their coffee is. It's completely sanctified. Well, insofar as it is able to be perfect, but since it's obligation is defined by it's ability then it's really perfect, but it has room for improvement too.