This, gentlemen, is the Mother-lode. This paper contains:The Four-Spiritual LawsThe Five-Steps to Peace with GodThe Six-Methods of Getting Into HeavenThe Seven-Tricks of C. FinneyYes, gentlemen; the Calvinists will run screaming under their baby-beds now!Bwahahahaha
Our next item up for sale is an original copy of Hal Lindsey's The Late Great Planet Earth with penciled in corrections.
Unfortunately folks, after we ripped out all the pages supporting Calvinism, this is the only page left in our Bibles.
Okay.. this is not theological.. but I just had to caption this way.."This, my fellow actors, is the name of the guy who will play a big-time mobster in the Godfather movie. Only one of you have been chosen to be in it even though a different actor will play one of you in the movie."
A group of preachers express their horror as Eugene Petersen unveils his "masterpiece", the "Message."
Fake Coke Can, that is so true.Okay, my caption:Revealed is the one "lost" book of the Bible found to be written by an apostle. It's simply a "Kick Me" sign that Mark placed on Paul in Corinth.
"Gentlemen, I present to you my latest invention: College-Ruled Paper. Magnificent, no?"
Fat Man: "Gentlemen, I give you the official Rob Bell Expurgated Bible. You will find no doctrine of hell within these - er, this page."Frank Sinatra: "It's a doozy!"
Do you have a cartoon going like this?There is a Guy reading his bible but he cannot understand it so he pray to God for the truth.He is having a conversation with God and finally ask God for a sign.And then somebody comes and gives him a tulip.
This gentleman is the advanced copy of Rob Bell's follow up on his book "Love Wins" called " a Study guide to Love Wins"
Here's this week's game plan, brothers. I want one of you deacons at each exit to block and tackle anyone who tries to leave the sanctuary during the collection.
OK boys. Here's a picture of da bum wees lookin' for dats been handin' out dos Romans 9 tracts.He wears dis funny lookin' space helmet and many times he's got dis fellow with him dressed like a hand grenade.When you sees him, throw da bum outta 'ere.Dean, put out that cigarette and go polish the Anxious Bench, will ya? Sammy, you're preachin' today. Make sure to quote dat verse dat goes, "God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life." Joey, when the invitation starts, you go around sayin', "I see dat hand."Frankie, you go do it your way, baby...
You see? It's just like this, see: the Calvinist says "predestination" and then I just shout out, "John 3:16!" See how that works? He says something about it being in the Bible, and I don't even have to listen: "John 3:16!" I can just do it over and over and never lose an argument! See? Brilliant, isn't it? Now I'll make copies for you all and you can pass them out to everyone you know.
Spyros: Hey Danny. Before everybody gets in position for the big heist, I wanted to show you this picture that my grand-daughter drew in Sunday School this morning. It's the hand writing on the wall from the book of Daniel. You know. In the Bible?
I vahnt to know vhich one of you wrote this note that says, "Akim Tamiroff is an Armenian."
Stranger stares at his monitor for two hours, studying the photo. Finally he says, "I just know that Corky has got to be in this picture somewhere."
@ BrianHal Lindsey is STILL penciling in corrections to The Late Great Planet Earth.
After decades of pencilling in corrections to his book, The Late Great Planet Earth, Hal Lindsey has given up and become an AMILLENNIALIST.And now the weather:HELL FREEZES OVER
Ok, Boys. I called dis meetin' to discuss what has happened. As it turns out, Harold Camping was finally correct and all the honest, anti-pragmatic, Bible-faithful premillennialists were raptured last Friday. All 8 of their names are written on dis here page... It looks like we've been left behind. I guess movin' to Sin City waddn't such a good idea after all...
Mine wouldn't be theological, but I would guess the paper says, "Future Invention--The White Board."
They played Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide what hymn to sing on our first Sunday in the new building. Rock of Ages lost. Paper won. Now they had to scramble and compose a new hymn.
Ok guys, enough is enough. Whoever put this "Whites Only" sign on the bathroom needs to apologize to the non-Italian in the room.